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plexing cogitations and thoughts what it fhould be. Be fent to hell, think I; Lord! what's that? And be damned; bless me! think I, what's this to be damned? Dear reader, believe me, I had read in scripture the words Hell, and Damned, with the term Converted; but no more did I understand the fenfe or the meaning of the one or the other of those three words than a beaft, At length I began in my thoughts to fix on something what this ftrange thing should be, or mean; and the refult came to this: I did conceive and strongly apprehend that Hell and Damned were fome ugly, frightful, and dangerous thing, to the which fhould I be brought I fhould be a fad and undone creature for ever! As to the other, viz. Converted, I did verily think it meant no more than the leaving off, or ceafing from thofe mad and youthful pranks of profaning the Sunday, as I then called the Lord's Day, with feveral other immoralities to which I had been exceedingly and wretchedly addicted: and in the ftead or room of those vain and wretched practices, to fall upon a ferious and fober living; both of which, I fully concluded, lay within the compafs of my own free will and natural power to effect.

Accordingly I fell to work, deferting and throwing off both my wicked companions, and also my dearly beloved sports and finful paftimes. To the Bible, and Practice of Piety, a book I dearly loved, I addreffed myself with all imaginable devotion and ferioufnefs. And being fully refolved on a thorough

work

work of converfion, that fo I might fhun and escape hell and being damned, I became very bookish, looking into almost every book, wherever I came, to try whether I could meet with any help which might forward me in my new trade of religion. Among other books wherewith I met, Mr. Baxter's Call to the Unconverted came into my hands; the which I did no fooner open, but its title-page invited my fancy to make choice of it for my chief companion: the which I also did, bleffing myself in that book more than with any other wherewith I had met; the more and oftener I read it, the more was I enamoured with it; even to a preferring it before God's own facred book. So fuited was it to the purpose I had then engaged in, viz. to work out of myfelf, and in my own ftrength, that great work of converfion. To my course of reading and praying, by thofe forms of prayer in the Common Prayer Book and Practice of Piety, I joined very strict and severe fafting: taking up a refolution that I would, in a moft folemn manner, obferve two days in every week, viz. Wednesday and Friday, for my fafting days: the which I also did, even to fuch a degree of pharifaical severity, that I almoft rendered my body unfit for any service. fervice. But converted I must be, and converted I was refolved to be, whatever it coft me; in order whereto I kept my religious doings of duty, both negatively and pofitively, with fuch a conftant and zealous elaborateness, that I verily

believe

believe it would be hard to find one among the Romish monks who could in all refpects match me, or outdo me, at the trade of ferving God in that way I fell in with.

It can hardly be told, much less believed, how great zeal I had for God, and how reftlefs my active and working fpirit was to be with him in heaven; though I neither knew God according to truth, nor the way to him, no more than a poor Pagan who never heard of him. I had fuch low, grofs, and carnal thoughts and apprehensions of the Deity, that I am very apt to conclude the very Heathen had far higher and more fublime conceptions of their fictitious gods than I had of that tremendous and inconceivably glorious God whom I fo ignorantly worshipped. I was wonderfully zealous in all religious performances wherein I did at that time engage, both in private and also in publick. In my private duties I was marvellously retired and fecret; being full of apprehenfions how ill conftructions would, by all forts of people, be put upon my so severe and strict way of living; and for better accomplishment whereof I fingled out a very convenient place, than which I thought no place better for my turn and purpose: it was in a little room on the top of the caftle wherein my father lived. In that room I spent the most of my time, in fafting, praying, and reading my books; efpecially my darling and chief admired and beloved book, Mr. Baxter's Call to the Unconverted.

verted. When I found myself much wearied with reading, I would fometimes divert myself by walking on the top of the caftle; during which diverfion I did often hear the fhouts and enticing calls of iny wicked companions, to bring me back again to my newly-forsaken sports and finful pastime.

It was no fmall matter to encounter with the workings of nature, and the violent temptations of the devil, both joining together in fuggefting and framing arguments to induce to a willing and ready compliance with thofe calls and invitations, to what I loved and liked, as dearly as the daily food I lived by. Oh! the ftrange workings which I found in myself during these combats. The ungodly, whofe company I had loved and delighted in fo dearly, calling and inviting; the ftrong bent and inclination of the flesh drawing; and a fubtil and violent devil tempting, and perfuading to return. What! forfake thy dear companions, and thy fweet delightful fports and pleasures, at this rate? What! to game or sport no more for ever? Alas! poor wretch, what good wilt thou get by betaking thyself to this penfive, fad, and melancholly kind of life? Thou haft had experience of the sweetness and delightfulness of that way of living which thou art now forfaking. The many and fore miferies and troubles attending this new courfe of life which thou art fo fond of, and on which thou art fo refolutely bent, do not yet appear in their black and formidable colours; there

fore

fore be wife in time, go back to thy deferted companions, and freely embrace thy forfaken sports and pleasures before thou be too far gone in this fond and dangerous way thou art gotten into, or elfe thou wilt repent when it is too late. Befides thefe affaults from the devil, and the continual ebullitions of my ftinking and vile nature, which did frequently furround me with new and fresh attacks to draw me back again, I met with new and unlooked for difcouragements from my relations; who, taking notice of the great and ftrange change which evidently appeared in me, frequently affailed my weak and poor beginnings in piety and religion, with hard speeches and unbecoming language against that precife and fevere course of life I had fo lately embraced, telling me, with great affeverations, that I should most certainly bring myself to downright madness by reading the fcriptures fo much.

Note, reader, by the way, how great an antipathy there is in the devil, and in unregenerate finners, to the facred fcriptures; a fure argument that they are the pure and infallible word of God. These things, accompanied with innumerable mocks, taunts, and jeers, which on all occafions were heaped on my name and practice, proved fome occafion of startling and difcouragement to me.

But the fixed apprehenfions I had of being fent to hell to be damned, in cafe I became not and continued a convert, did abundantly outdo all the oppofitions which lay, or met me, in my way of

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