Uncle George. "NEARLY TOP OF YOUR FORM, EH! WELL, NOW, CAN YOU TELL MEH'M-THE LATIN FOR--H'M-POTATOE?"

EASTER IN PARIS AND AFTER.

(By our Travelling Impressionist.) TREES in full leaf. Suggestions still in evidence of the mi-carême. Confetti here, there, and everywhere. Remnants of coloured paper, ribands on the branches, and discs on the earth showing through the circular iron gratings. Churches full of ladies wearing feathers and artificial flowers. The latest mode, a stand-up fur collar and a plain skirt on the trail.

The cabs as usual. Horses in Paris seemingly trained in colthood to run down the incautious pedestrian passing from shelter to shelter in the more frequented thoroughfares. Police officer with white truncheon attempting with more or less success to control the traffic. Foreign cabby quietly defiant. Golden rule-when in doubt run down an Englishman. Kiosks with affiches of the doings at the theatres. Novelties at

the Palais Royal and elsewhere. COQUELIN
great as Napoleon, and the piece pathetic at
the Vaudeville. And at the Varieties, once
sacred to OFFENBACH and HORTENSE
SCHNEIDER, an utterly impossible play from
a London point of view, written by an Acade-
mician. Grand opera at the little house in
which were first heard the chimes of Les
Cloches de Corneville. For the rest in great
demand that popular reproduction, Relâche,
and vacation.

ready for the invasion-next year-of franc payers of every civilised nationality and politics. All to be surrendered until the Exposition is over. Fashoda, Algeria, what you will to be ceded to Perfidious Albion, rather than risk a complication. Even the statue of Strasbourg in the Place de la Concorde, neglected like a tomb at Père-laChaise, sinking into forgetfulness. England and Germany can wait until the commencement of the twentieth century.

And the people. Exceedingly polite to the strangers, who are not strangers to the hotel-keepers. Salutes to JOHN BULL, who is allowed to appear without projecting teeth and long red whiskers. Resigned civility to the speakers of the German tongue; cooling cordiality to the Russians. For the remainder of the human race, obliging toleration.

And the hotels. Thronged with habitués. The order of the day, "Pleased to see you, and hope you will come again next year." Even coupons popular. No rows, no reclamations.

In a word, Paris on her best behaviour. And how about the after? Those who know the place best say the gay city exists only for the present. Paris never has an after!

DISCRETION.

["A young lady of Philadelphia was awarded damages against FREDERICK FARROW. It appears that when he was introduced to her, he squeezed her hand so hard that he broke one of the bones, and rendered the hand useless, necrosis setting in." Westminster Gazette.]

PHYLLIS dear, though you I see

Filled with rapture at the meeting, Science indicates to me

Perils in our every greeting.

Should I venture on your lips

Snatching half-forbidden blisses,
Microbes clutch with ghastly grips,
Lurking in your sweetest kisses.

If your little hand I hold,
(Fearful of tuberculosis,)

Squeezes threaten-now we're told-
If too vigorous, necrosis.

Musing thus, I call to mind,

(Till at length I grow disdainful,) Microbes sometimes may prove kindBroken bones are always painful.

Then the handshake, rough and rude,
PHYLLIS, prudently dismissing,
We are driven to conclude

That the safer plan is-kissing.

SOMETHING ON HAND.-A glove.

On either side the Seine the coming Exhibition. Two men and a boy at work building. The old Palais de l'Industrie coming down and giving place to a stone erection waiting for a dome calculated to excite the envy of the Chapter of St. Paul's or possibly of St. Peter's. Old Paris" fast appearing on the "river right" with timeworn walls of lath and plaster. Most of Shade of Robespierre. "Well, I am just a little the Quartier between the Rue Faubourg curious, Sir Henry, to know how you're going to St. Honoré and the Invalides enclosed represent my nose.'

fast

SOMETHING OF THIS SORT, WE PRESUME.

["The Parks Committee of the L.C.C., in giving permission for bathing in the lake at Parliament Hill, recommends that the bathers should wear 'University Costume.' . . . This recommendation has (not unnaturally) been referred back to the Committee for explanations."-Daily Chronicle.] conversation soothing by repeatedly assuring a lady she is a liar. Obviously he is a woman's man, an inscrutable being evolved out of woman's inner consciousness. THE BARON DE B.-W.

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

AN obvious, though not necessarily fatal, defect in The Kingdom of Hate (HUTCHINSON) is that, in plot and treatment, it persistently recalls the Prisoner of Zenda. If Mr. TOM GALLON had been first in this picturesque field, Mr. ANTHONY HOPE would have had to take to writing Tatterley. My Baronite is inclined to think that as the domain is so distinctly marked, a writer of such rich resources, such marked originality, would have been wise to avoid it. Since Mr. GALLON thought otherwise, and has plunged in. it must be said he acquits himself admirably. The book is full of life, flashing forth in all kinds of unexpected guises and quarters. Bernard Aubanel is a sort of Three Musketeers rolled into one. He has a delightful Squire in Jimmy Witherby, the Princess is charming, and the Count leaves nothing to be desired in the way of villainy. It is well to begin the story whilst the nights are still long, for it is hard to put it down before being galloped breathlessly to the end.

Messrs. GAY & BIRD have had a happy thought in starting their library of Biblots with a new edition of COLERIDGE'S Table Talk. It makes a dainty little volume that will snugly rest in the pocket, and come forth the companion of chance spare moments. Mr. POTTER BRISCOE has admirably compiled the book on the principle of selecting the material most likely to interest the general reader. The talk is divided under various heads, an index completing convenience. Dr. DIBDEN admiringly records of COLERIDGE, that on an occasion when he was privileged to be in his company, "he spoke for nearly two hours with unhesitating and uninterrupted fluency." That, in itself, is nothing. Mr. CALDWELL, with or without an audience in the House of Commons, could "do it on 'is 'ead."

The Confounding of Camelia (HEINEMANN) is a confoundedly bad title, which repels. Nor are the opening chapters of the story persuasive. My Baronite confesses that after struggling through them, he was disposed to lay the book aside with a weary sigh. Being a conscientious person, on his oath to truly try the case, he went on to what he anticipated would be the bitter end and found it very good. Miss SEDGWICK happily describes the purport of her story, when she writes of a dusty little moth beating dying wings near the ground, its eyes fixed on the exquisite butterfly tilting its white loveliness in the sunshine. The moth is Cousin Mary, a plain-looking dependant; the butterfly is the well-born, beautiful, rich Camelia. It is the moth, suddenly transformed by the passion of love, that makes the tragedy. The scenes between Mary and her flighty cousin when the wounded moth is fluttering nearer the ground, are dramatically conceived and powerfully written. The difficulty is to understand the fatal fascination the awkwardly named Perior has for marriageable young women. To mere man, he is a self-conscious prig, with a tendency to make his

Day. It only remains for the Vice-President to take heart of grace; to weep and Wimper is useless. Then let the Treasurer KING take a right regal view of the ways and means at command, and let the President show himself as GREGORY the Great, for it only requires his Presidential assent, and up goes the " ascenseur. Finally, there is not a water-colour picture but is improved by & "mount"; therefore a collection of them ought to have a "lift."

However, it is a show well worth the climb. Pause filially before the work of DADD, FRANK DADD (18), a grand-DADD! Refresh yourself with RICHARDSON'S "Early Summer" (23). Read your Vicar of Wakefield, and discover if Mr. DOLLMAN is quite correct in his good picture of "Moses at the Fair." Wonder wistfully at the mist-erious maid, who is idling in SAINTON'S "The Idyll" (50), Admire MOTTRAM's Cornish landscape (57), and make up your mind to take a holiday in the neighbourhood. If you love the sea, rejoice in the Ramsgate boats (78); and then, if you have the ready coin, offer the price marked in guineas, and in exchange you'll get a Halfpenny, a real J. C. HALFPENNY for it (80). Linger in "A Surrey Lane," by MARKS (107). Examine the perspective gilt frame in which the honorary member, Count SECKENDORF, enshrines his "Venice" (153). Look in at the "Kashmir Gate" of WILLIAM SIMPSON. Notice (292) the bloom that is on the Rye Marshes of GREEN, R.I. (why not the "R.I." Marshes ?); stand under your umbrella for a good view of "Young Holland" (305), because it's RAINEY; and in EDWARD GREGORY'S circular picture in golden frame, acknowledge the type of a "good all round" artist. The 'go" in CHANTREY CORBOULD's work, representing a horse careering away and singing to himself The Girl I left behind me," is excellent. No wonder she fell off that wonderful horse, whose owner has evidently tried to match his colour by providing him with saddle and uncommonly stiff reins to match.

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We regret that neither space nor time will permit us to mention many notable works, but the visitor will be able to pass a couple of hours there with pleasure and profit. On no account must he miss the Miniatures, from which to select would be invidious. Ascend to the Gallery of the R.I. and enjoy yourself.

TWO OR THREE NAPOLEONS.

ON the same day that the Daily Telegraph recorded the extraordinary success of M. CoQUELIN at the Porte St. Martin as Napoleon, there appeared also, in the same paper, an interesting article on CHARLOTTE SAUNDERS, an actress once well-known to theatrical fame as a ROBSON in petticoats;" to appreciate which simile, it is evidently necessary to have seen that wonderful little

Tom (our Doctor's son). "I WOULDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH comedian, or to be well informed as to the peculiarities of "little CAPTAIN SMILER IF I WERE YOU, ELLA."

Miss Ella. "TOM! WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU MEAN?"

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ROBSON," who was as moving in pathos as he was irresistible in burlesque and farce. The article above alluded to omitted one of

Tom. WELL, HE'S NOT SAFE! I HEARD DAD SAY HIS VERY the greatest hits that CHARLOTTE SAUNDERS ever made; and the

LAUGH WAS INFECTIOUS!"

R. I., PICCADILLY.

"Royal Institute of Painters in Water Colours." 'Tis a long title. Were only the initials used of "Royal Institute Painters," it figures out lugubriously as "R. I. P." Now, "Requiescat in Pace" is not, and never can be, the motto of a going concern, unless it be a going-to-decay concern, which is quite another matter, and is not in the least applicable to the Royal Institute, which is as fresh as paint and doing uncommonly well, as, of course, must be the case with any Artistic Society that has the good fortune to secure as a member of its Council, Sir JOHN TENNIEL, R.P.A.

announcement of COQUELIN's triumph in "making up" his noseor rather in making it down, arching the boney part of his nose, and depressing its retroussiveness, must have recalled to not a few elderly play-goers how CHARLOTTE SAUNDERS took the house by storm, when, as Claude Melnotte disguised, she threw off the of the Great NAPOLEON himself, who, by the way, must have been cloak and stood before the astonished audience the very "spit' for she was a broad and sturdy figure, this comic actress was far just about the height of CHARLOTTE SAUNDERS. Thus, physically, better suited by nature to represent "The Corsican" than are either COQUELIN or IRVING, with the latter of whom the impersona tion was an extraordinary tour de force, as a good deal of allowance had to be made, by even bis most enthusiastic admirers, for the difficulties with which Sir HENRY had to contend. Now, we should like so much to give the P.I. a lift. Only we vellous! And "little CLARKE" But CHARLOTTE SAUNDERS as Napoleon Bonaparte was mar. do not see why, as a rich association, the members should not formed into LOUIS NAPOLEON, confronting her, and exclaiming, as Beauséant, suddenly transgive the public a lift, and then the public would not fatigue itself. Oh, my prophetic soul! My uncle!" gave us one of the wittiest by walking up that tiring flight of steps leading to the galleries surprises, one of the very funniest, most laughable situations that above. That is the sort of lift" the P.I. wants. How many are there, who, saying, "Blowed if I go up those stairs!" would was ever conceived and put on to the stage by its author, HENRY willingly mount by the lift," even if there were charged for the with undiminished success! It is worth while for Mr. Punch to J. BYRON. For how many hundred nights did she "go Nap." luxury the ridiculously small sum of one halfpenny! Let the make this record, and present it with his compliments, as a suppleCouncil consider it. Who are its members? Let us refer to the ment, to the writer of that excellent article in the D. T. on Wedlist. Let the "AUMONIER prepare his savings-box for the nesday last. mounting receipts. The lift will, of course, be "for passengers only," and therefore "BALE may not see any advantage to himself personally. Mr. PLUM BUNDY will welcome it, if he be not a Hot Cross BUNDY; while Mr. FAHEY (E. H.) will be willing to spare himself any Fahey-tigue. Any one rejoicing in the delightful name of FULLEYLOVE, will, of course, be in raptures with the idea: he'll fully love it. What has ever been uttered by JOHNSON on the subject some BOSWELL will inform us. He who bears the dramatically honoured name of SHERIDAN KNOWLES will certainly vote for IN TROUBLED CHINESE WATERS.-Why does Italy want to have doing it; Acta non verba must be his motto. WILLIAM RAINEY & nice little place all to herself in Sammun Bay? Simply to get will approve of the halfpenny charge as putting by for a Rainy some good Sammun fishing? That's all.

ELECTION NOTE.-Major STUART WORTLEY Commanded "The Friendlies in the Sudan. If in the general election he can command the friendlies in his selected division of Yorkshire as well as he did those in the Sudan, his chances of success will not be inconsiderable.

briates, the Fashionable Collar Reform League, the Knifegrinders' Union, and a dozen more. In each case the writer seems conscious of conferring an enormous honour. In no case is there any mention of payment! Sit down and write refusals all round.

Wednesday. More letters of the same kind. Also more callers. Refuse the first, but am compelled by the latter to promise help at two concerts, one matinée, and five Hospita Bazaars.

Thursday.-Indignant letters from all the people whom I refused. Why, they ask, should I sing for Lady GooDWORK, and not for them? Hint, in plain terms, that they will make professional success impossible for me unless I sing gratuitously at all their charity" entertainments. Nothing for it but to yield. Net result-twenty-five engagements. Receipts-nil; not even enough to pay my cab fares.

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Friday.-Rise in revolt. (1) Write angry letter to the Daily Mail. (2) Send round a circular to all my "patronesses,' stating that it is proposed to hold a bazaar in aid of musicians reduced to beggary by charitymongers, and asking them to assist by subscriptions, or by taking a stall.

Saturday.-All the "patronesses" refuse!

NEEDLESSLY POINTED.

Sympathetic Friend. "WELL, MY DEAR, I'M SURE YOUR MOTHER WILL MISS YOU SADLY AFTER YOUR HAVING BEEN WITH HER SO LONG!"

FROM A PROFESSIONAL DIARY. (Vide recent correspondence in the

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for hour of visit. Heard me sing at Lady GOODWORK's last night, perfectly enraptured. Daily (Ah, the advertisement was of use, after all!) Mail.") So charmed, in fact, that he has called thus Monday-Have promised to sing to-night early to secure my services, if possible, for at Lady GOODWORK's soirés musicale in aid Lady PLANTAGENET'S "At Home" on the of the Decrepit Dustmen's Fund. Delighted 27th. (Hurray!) Am I by any fortunate to assist, of course-but shouldn't mind re- chance disengaged on that evening? Exceiving a small honorarium for my services. cellent; then he hopes he may count upon Hint the same delicately to Lady G. Strange me? (I assent, with suppressed excitement.) to say, she becomes quite indignant, and By-the-way, he should have mentioned that says that apparently I didn't understand a collection is to be made at the party in aid that her concert is on behalf of a charity. of the Home for Destitute Parrots... She adds that to appear under such distin- But then, how about my fee? .... He guished patronage will be a splendid adver- explains that, of course, none of the artistes tisement for me. Hope so, I'm sure-but will expect to be paid, since the party is it won't help to pay my butcher's bill. But, intended to assist a deserving charity as Lady G. remarks, it's for a charity, so I and he's gone, before I can protest! I open mustn't mind the absence of pay for once. my letters-good Heavens! Am requested Tuesday. While at breakfast, and about to sing by various titled ladies at concerts in to open my letters, a visitor appears. Glance aid of Lifeboats, Cheap Footwarmers_for at card-Lord PLANTAGENET. Apologises Cabmen, the Society for Befriending Ine

...

"A RAT! A RAT!" Lord Chief Justice Hamlet and the Polonius behind the curtain.

[The Lord Chief Justice will introduce his Bill dealing with Secret Commissions on Thursday next.]