Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bone. How now, my sweet creature of bombast? How long is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee? Fal. My own knee? when I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle's talon in the waist; I could have crept into any alderman's thumb-ring: A plague of sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a bladder. There's villainous news abroad: here was sir John Bracy from your father; you must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the north, Percy; and he of Wales, that gave Amaimon the bastinado, and made Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh hook, What, a plague, call you him? Poins. O, Glendower. Fal. Owen, Owen; the same ;-and his sonin-law, Mortimer; and old Northumberland; and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs o'horseback up a hill perpendicular. P. Hen. He, that rides at high speed, and with his pistol kills a sparrow flying. Fal. You have hit it. P. Hen. So did he never the sparrow. Fal. Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him; he will not run. P. Hen. Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so for running? Fal. O'horseback, ye cuckoo! but, afoot, he will not budge a foot. P. Hen. Yes, Jack, upon instinct. Fal. I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more: Worcester is stolen away tonight; thy father's beard is turned white with the news; you may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackarel. P. Hen. Why then, 'tis like, if there come a hot June, and this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads as they buy hob-nails, by the hundreds. Fal. By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is like, we shall have good trading that way. But, tell me, Hal, art thou not horribly afeard? thou being heir-apparent, could the world pick thee out three such enemies again, as that fiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil Glendow er? Art thou not horribly afraid? doth not thy blood thrill at it? P. Hen. Not a whit, i'faith; I lack some of thy instinct. Fal. Well, thou wilt be horribly chid to-morrow, when thou comest to thy father: if thou love me, practise an answer. P. Hen. Do thou stand for my father, and examine me upon the particulars of my life. Fal. Shall I content:-This chair shall be my state, this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown. P. Hen. Thy state is taken for a joint-stool, thy golden sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich crown, for a pitiful bald crown! Fal. Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, now shalt thou be moved.-Give me a cup of sack, to make mine eyes look red, that it may be thought I have wept ; for I must speak in passion, and I will do it in king Cambyses' vein. P. Hen. Well, here is my leg. Fal. And here is my speech:-Stand aside, nobility. Host. This is excellent sport, i'faith. Fal. Weep not, sweet queen, for trickling tears are vain. Host. O, the father, how he holds his countenance ! Fal. For God's sake, lords, convey my trist ful queen, For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes. Host. O rare! he doth it as like one of these harlotry players, as I ever see. Fal. Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good ticklebrain.-Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy time, but also how thou art accompanied for though the camomile, the more it is trodden on, the faster it grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it wears. That thou art my son, I have partly thy mother's word, partly my own opinion; but chiefly, a villainous trick of thine eye, and a foolish hanging of thy nether lip, that doth warrant me. If then thou be son to me, here lies the point :Why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher, and eat blackberries? a question not to be asked. Shall the son of England prove a thief, and take purses? a question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast often heard of, and it is known to many in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch, as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth the company thou keepest: for, Harry, now I do not speak to thee in drink, but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; not in words only, but in woes also:And yet there is a virtuous man, whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name. P. Hen. What manner of man, an it like your majesty? Fa'. A good portly man, i'faith, and a corpu lent; of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye, and a most noble carriage; and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, by'r lady, inclining to threescore; and now I remember me, his name is Falstaff': if that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then, peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in that Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish. And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast thou been this month? P. Hen. Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, and I'll play my father. Fal. Depose me? if thou dost it half so gravely, so majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by the heels for a rabbet-sucker, or a poulter's hare. P. Hen. Well, here I am set. Fal. And here I stand:-judge, my masters. Fal. Sblood, my lord, they are false :-nay, I'll tickle ye for a young prince, i'faith. P. Hen. Swearest thou, ungracious boy? henceforth ne'er look on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace: there is a devil haunts thee, in the likeness of a fat old man: a tun of man is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swoln parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? wherein crafty, but in villainy? wherein villainous, but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing? Fal. I would, your grace would take me with you; Whom means your grace? P. Hen. That villainous abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan. Fal. My lord, the man I know. P. Hen. I know, thou dost. Fal. But to say, I know more harm in him than in myself, were to say more than I know. That he is old, (the more the pity,) his white hairs do witness it: but that he is (saving your reverence,) a whoremaster, that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked! If to be old and merry be a sin, then many an old host that I know, is damned: if to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh's lean kine are to be loved. No, my good lord; banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins: but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant, being as he is, old Jack Falstaff, banish VOL. L. not him thy Harry's company, banish not him thy Harry's company; banish plump Jack, and banish all the world. P. Hen. I do, I will. CA knocking heard. [Exeunt Hostess, Francis, and Bardolph. Re-enter BARDOLPH, running. Bard. O, my lord, my lord; the sheriff, with a most monstrous watch, is at the door. Fal. Out, you rogue! play out the play: I have much to say in the behalf of that Falstaff. Re-enter Hostess, hastily. Host. O Jesu, my lord, my lord! Fal. Heigh, heigh! the devil rides upon a fiddlestick: What's the matter? Host. The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they are come to search the house: Shall I let them in? Fal. Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of gold, a counterfeit thou art essentially mad, without seeming so. P. Hen. And thou a natural coward, without instinct. Fal. I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff, so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up! I hope, I shall as soon be strangled with a halter, as another. P. Hen. Go, hide thee behind the arras ;the rest walk up above. Now, my masters, for a true face, and good conscience. Fal. Both which I have had: but their date is out, and therefore I'll hide me. [Exeunt all but the Prince and Poins. P. Hen, Call in the sheriff. P. Hen. The man, I do assure you, is not here ; For I myself at this time have employ'd him. And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee, That I will, by to-morrow dinner-time, Send him to answer thee, or any man, For any thing he shall be charg'd withal: And so let me entreat you leave the house. Sher. I will, my lord: There are two gentlemen Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks. P. Hen. It may be so: if he have robb'd these men, He shall be answerable; and so, farewell. P. Hen. I think it is good morrow; Is it not? 2 H Sher. Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock. [Exeunt Sheriff and Carrier. P. Hen. This oily rascal is known as well as Paul's. Go, call him forth. Poins. Falstaff!-fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse. P. Hen. Hark, how hard he fetches breath: Search his pockets. [Poins searches.] What hast thou found? Poins. Nothing but papers, my lord. P. Hen. Let's see what they be: read them. Poins. Item, A capon, 2s. 2d. Item, Sauce, 4d. Item, Sack, two gallons, 5s. 8d. | Item, Anchovies, and sack after supper, 2s. 6d. Item, Bread, a halfpenny P. Hen. O monstrous! but one halfpennyworth of bread to this intolerable deal of sack: -What there is else, keep close; we'll read it at more advantage: there let him sleep till day. I'll to the court in the morning: we must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honourable. I'll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot; and, I know, his death will be a march of twelve-score. The money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning; and so good morrow, Poins. Poins. Good morrow, good my lord. [Exeunt. ACT III. SCENE I.-Bangor. A room in the Archdeacon's Shakes the old beldame earth, and topples down Sit, cousin Percy; sit, good cousin Hotspur : Hot. And you in hell, as often as he hears Glend. I cannot blame him: at my nativity, The front of heaven was full of fiery shapes, Of burning cressets; and, at my birth, The frame and huge foundation of the earth Shak'd like a coward. Hot. Why, so it would have done At the same season, if your mother's cat had But kitten'd, though yourself had ne'er been born. Glend. I say, the earth did shake, when I was born. Hot. And I say, the earth was not of my mind, If you suppose, as fearing you it shook. Glend. The heavens were all on fire, the earth did tremble. Hot. O, then the earth shook to see the heavens on fire, And not in fear of your nativity. ving, Steeples, and moss-grown towers. At your birth, Our grandam earth, having this distemperature, In passion shook. Glend. Cousin, of many men I do not bear these crossings. Give me leave I am not in the roll of common men. Which calls me pupil, or hath read to me? Hot. I think, there is no man speaks better I will to dinner. Mort. Peace, cousin Percy; you will make him mad. Glend. I can call spirits from the vasty deep. Hot. Why, so can I; or so can any man: But will they come, when you do call for them? Glend. Why, I can teach you, cousin, to command The devil. Hot. And I can teach thee, coz, to shame the devil, By telling truth; Tell truth, and shame the devil. If thou have power to raise him, bring him hither, And I'll be sworn, I have power to shame him hence. O, while you live, tell truth, and shame the devil. Mort. Come, come, No more of this unprofitable chat. Glend. Three times hath Henry Bolingbroke made head Against my power: thrice from the banks of Wye, Hot. Home without boots, and in foul weather How 'scapes he agues, in the devil's name? Glend. Come, here's the map; shall we divide our right, According to our three-fold order ta'en? Mort. The archdeacon hath divided it And my good lord of Worcester, will set forth, Your tenants, friends, and neighbouring gentle men. Glend. A shorter time shall send me to you, And in my conduct shall your ladies come: Hot. Methinks, my moiety, north from Burton In quantity equals not one of yours: It shall not wind with such a deep indent, Glend. Not wind? it shall, it must; you see, Mort. Yea, Glend. No, nor you shall not. Hot. Let me not understand you then, Glend. I can speak English, lord, as well as you; And gave the tongue a helpful ornament; Hot. Marry, and I'm glad of it with all my I had rather be a kitten, and cry-mew, Glend. Come, you shall have Trent turn'd. To any well-deserving friend; But, in the way of bargain, mark ye me, Are the indentures drawn? shall we be gone? I'll haste the writer, and, withal, Break with your wives of your departure hence: father! Hot. I cannot choose: sometimes he angers me, A clip-wing'd griffin, and a moulten raven, And such a deal of skimble-skamble stuff But mark'd him not a word. O, he's as tedious Butmark, how he bears his course, and runs me up In any summer-house in Christendom. With like advantage on the other side; And on this north side win this cape of land; Hot. I'll have it so; a little charge will do it. Mort. In faith, he is a worthy gentleman; Without the taste of danger and reproof; And since your coming hither have done enough (And that's the dearest grace it renders you,) Hot. Well, I am school'd; good manners be your speed! Here come our wives, and let us take our leave. with you, She'll be a soldier too, she'll to the wars. Mort. Good father, tell her,—that she, and my aunt Percy, Shall follow in your conduct speedily. [Glendower speaks to his daughter in Welsh, and she answers him in the same. Glend. She's desperate here; a peevish selfwill'd harlotry, One no persuasion can do good upon. Lady M. speaks to Mortimer in Welsh. Mort. I understand thy looks: that pretty Welsh Which thou pourest down from these swelling heavens, I am too perfect in; and, but for shame, [Lady M. speaks. The hour before the heavenly-harness'd team Begins his golden progress in the east. Mort. With all my heart I'll sit, and hear her sing: By that time will our book, I think, be drawn, Glend. Do so; And those musicians, that shall play to you, Hang in the air a thousand leagues from hence; Yet straight they shall be here: sit, and attend. Hot. Come, Kate, thou art perfect in lying down: Come, quick, quick; that I may lay my head in thy lap. Lady P. Go, ye giddy goose. GLENDOWER speaks some Welsh words, and then the music plays. Hot. Now I perceive, the devil understands And 'tis no marvel, he's so humorous. Lady P. Then should you be nothing but musical: for you are altogether governed by humours. Lie still, ye thief, and hear the lady sing in Welsh. Hot. I had rather hear Lady, my brach, how! in Irish. Lady P. Would'st thou have thy head broken? Hot. No. Lady P. Then be still. Hot. Neither; 'tis a woman's fault. A Welsh song sung by Lady M. Hot. Not yours, in good sooth! 'Heart, you swear like a comfit-maker's wife! Not you, in good sooth; and, As true as I live ; and, As God shall mend me; and, As sure as day: And giv'st such sarcenet surety for thy oaths, As if thou never walk'dst further than Finsbury. Swear me, Kate, like a lady, as thou art, A good mouth-filling oath; and leave in sooth, And such protest of pepper-ginger-bread, To velvet-guards, and Sunday-citizens. Come, sing. Lady P. I will not sing. Hot. 'Tis the next way to turn tailor, or be red-breast teacher. An the indentures be drawn, I'll away within these two hours; and so come in when you will. [Exit. Glend. Come, come, lord Mortimer; you are as slow, As hot lord Percy is on fire to go. Mort. With all my heart. [Exeunt. |