SHORT TALKS ABOUT GOOD MANNERS.

BY ΑΝ EX-MEMBER OF SOCIETY.

(Addressed to his second cousin.)

I.

APOLOGY, THEORY AND DEFINITION.

You know, Stanhope, that I do not profess to be a pattern of good breeding, although I am so fond of reading you long homilies on the subject. In fact, if I was ordered always to balance my tea-spoon on the edge of my cup just before rising from the table, I might suggest that it is too much trouble to be "fashionable:" or, if advised never by any means to attend church more than once on Sunday, I might avow too much religion to be consistent with "etiquette;" or, if taunted by some disciple of the code of honor for not betraying a trusting woman, I fear I should pulingly confess myself no adept in "gallantry;" or, if I was challenged to stake my valuable life against that of a worthless rascal on the duelling-ground, I really believe that I should prove myself no "gentleman."

Again as the connoisseur, who analyzes wisely the beauties and blemishes of paintings, does not thereby assume that he is an artist; and as the critic, who pours his withering rage upon good books, does not thereby claim to be a man of genius; so I, although presuming to discuss even the minutia of good manners, do not profess to be-as genial Horace hath it—a homo ad unguem factus; a gentleman to the tips of the fingers. True elegance of deportment-true politeness, in fact-is an ideal, which we may imagine, see, or write about, without being able to exemplify it. We may understand-both you and I-why D'Orsay's manners were so winning, and Chesterfield's so imposing, while you may do no more than wear a D'Orsay tie in your cravat, and I bear no likenesss to the Lord Lieutenant of Ireland.

So much for personal identity and apology.

Now, my friend, in what I have to say I shall proceed upon the theory that the rules of politeness are all, either clearly or by supposition, justified by common sense; that they are founded in reason and upon some fundamental principle or idea, from which the particulars and details of good breeding are, as it were, so many logical inferences. The reason of some rules may not be clear, but a probable reason may be traced out historically or metaphysically. But if no reason for a rule of etiquette can be guessed, then, according to the present theory, you will be more honored in the breach than in the observance of it.

Do not understand, however, that, because politeness is founded upon reason and common sense, it is therefore to be thoroughly acquired by intuition, without study, or practice, or observation. The laws of mechanics or rules of philosophy are all founded upon common sense, but it has taken ages to bring some of them to light. Comparison and study alone will admit you to a perfect knowledge of good manners, while care and habit will alone enable you to practice them. Although the connection of etiquette and common sense, once discovered, may be as simple as the alimentary apparatus of a periwinkle, yet you will never be able to be polite without forethought. Even the dictates of a kind, good nature—if unaided—will not enable you to fulfil all the requirements of that perfect external deference to others, called politeness.

I know there are Narcissuses in the world, Stanhope, whose vulgar conceit leads them to think their manners not worth calculation and study, and plume themselves upon being incapable of violating decorum, however ignorant they may be of its requirements. The forgiving courtesy of others may prevent the breaches of politeness, which such persons commit, from being brought home to their own consciences. But it is a poor consolation to know, that our errors of deportment only escape rebuke or significant scorn, because we happen to be in the society of those who are too well-bred to seem to remark our rudeness. No shield furnishes so ill a protection to vulgarity as that of self-conceit. "A pigmy's straw will pierce it."

I know that there is a sort of politeness, not founded upon common sense or reason: which is wholly artificial, and constructed on the basis of fashionable caprice: which seems invented

solely for the use and amusement of male and female fops—a class of beings, for whose composition a merciful Providence is certainly not to be held responsible; whose butterfly glory is solely in the splendor of their wings and the briskness of their insane fluttering. As I do not write to you as to one of those who aspire to the witless baboonery of false etiquette, I shall not discuss it. I would only recommend that sort and measure of politeness, which are consistent with high and generous qualities of heart and high and noble aims in life. This code is not for the gambling exquisite to pick up and draw on as he does his scented gloves, at his exit from the billiard-room. I would recommend no school of etiquette which requires any affectation of indifference to our fellow-men,-which, by the way, it is almost divine charity to call affectation,-or any professions of contempt for superiors and equals, or any frivolous devotion of life to indolence and luxury, or any ungrateful and extravagant waste of the blessings of Providence. I write to you only in behalf of that politeness, which will bear the test of philosophy, reason, benevolence and morality: which is the polish of the diamond and not the gilt which covers a base metal.

Now what is politeness, you ask. It is sometimes said that "true politeness is true kindness." If this is intended to inculcate the principle, that kind instincts must underlie and dictate that politeness which is uniform, natural and universal, the sentiment is well enough. As a maxim, it is significant and valuable : but as a definition, it is without the merit of accuracy. Kindness is no more politeness than the flower is its perfume, or than any interior cause is identical with one of its external effects. Nor, need I add, that kindness often falls short of politeness that a good heart often manifests itself through very bad manners.

:

That politeness is not a mere cultivation of arbitrary artificial rules-a superfluous and unmeaning series of caprices-I have already indirectly shown.

Politeness-defined not lexicographically but logically—is the constant manifestation of regard for and deference to others in our intercourse with society. If you say simply, that it is the art of pleasing by the deportment, you describe the effect instead of analyzing the cause. If you call it the art of good manners, you have given a synonym, but not a definition.

Now I will not go, after the manner of Coke or Blackstone, into an explanation of the peculiar force of the terms “constant,” "manifestation," "regard," "deference." "in our intercourse with society," &c.-as used in the foregoing definition. If you think it contains a word too much or too little, then test, by careful examination, every syllable of it for yourself. It will be enough for me to illustrate its general spirit.

Natural selfishness prompts the barbarian first to eat all he wants, and leave the residue for his unsatisfied companion; (provided the latter is not in such a condition as to appeal to pity or generosity.) Politeness, on the other hand, prompts the civilized man, on all occasions, to offer food first to his comrade. Natural selfishness leads the savage to tyrannize over weakness and condemn woman to menial services. Politeness induces you to respect and defer to the weakness of the opposite sex, and make them the recipients of the minutest attentions and services. Natural selfishness instructs the barbarian to build and use a dwelling solely for his own convenience. Civilization, polished into politeness, leads us to set apart the most elegant saloons within our dwellings almost solely for the use of others. No matter what the motive may be,-how much behind or before the savage the civilized man may be in real selfishness of heart,-politeness and barbarism lead to exactly opposite results. One makes the pleasure of society at large not only really, but seemingly, the secondary object: the other elevates the outward expression of a desire to please others primary and paramount.

Deference to others is, then, according to our illustration, the element of politeness. It follows, of course, that the farther this deference is manifested, the more remarkable will be the politeness while to be perfectly polite requires that our manifestation of regard for others, in the intercourse of society, should be invariable, universal, and clearly apparent.

Having thus given my "apology, theory and definition," I shall be able in my next letter, to make some desultory suggestions, my dear Stanhope, on a subject about which you are already intelligent, and perhaps au fail-"Etiquette at Parties."

In admiration of that graceful kindness, called politeness, and in friendship for you, I shall "remain"

Yours candidly,

"THERE IS A REST."

BY A. MESSLER, D. D.

They've told me of a rest, far, far
Where the weary find repose,

away,

And suffering hearts grow joyful in its day;
For there their sorrows close.
Where is that rest? Oh where?

I'm worn with life's care :

Its storms have o'er me blown,

Its gloom to midnight grown;

My joys have fled like wandering summer birds :

My friends are gone: and sorrows cincture girds Me, with its iron zone,

"Till, desolate and lone,

My spirit groans, oppressed with loads of care;
And I am tearful, sad, and in despair.

Where is that rest? Oh tell me! where?

It is not here; but in the spirit land,
And thou must seek it there,

Guided by faith's unerring eye and hand,
And strengthened by her prayer.

Trust in the Son of God,

Who in our flesh hath trod

The wine-press of his ire,

And borne its vengeance dire,

That sin might stand, through his all-powerful blood Righteous before the spotless throne of God;

And man escape forever

The death that ceaseth never;

And decked in garments gemmed with glory bright, Sing with the joyful, rapturous sons of light,

Who worship in his presence day and night!

That will bring the full reward for all
Thy weariness while here;

Its joys are pure-its sweets will never pall—
Its leaf is never sere-

A spring tide full of joy;
Pure gold without alloy;
A rose without a worm;
A day without a storm:

A song whose notes of linked melody
Forever wake a sweeter harmony.

All this is thine forever,

If thou thy heart canst sever

From bands of earth and sin, and rise to see its light Streaming, a beacon from a mountain height,

To cheer the wanderer-guide his feet aright!