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Have at it then: fair lady, can you love? Over the fields to Pancras, to your husband?
Awd. No, sir ; what's that?

D. Tur. Madam, I had been there an
Pol. A toy which women use.
-Awd. If't be a toy, it's good to play withal. But that I waited on my man Ball Puppy.
Pol. We will not stand discoursing o' the What, Ball, I say, I think the idle slouch
toy :

(tress. Be faľn asleep i' the barn, he stays so long. The way is short, please you to prove it, inis- Pup. Sattin, i' the name of velvet-sattin, Aud. If you do mean to stand so long

dame! upon it,

The devil! O the devil is in the barn: I pray you let me give it a short cut, sir. Help, a legion- -spirit-legion Pol. It's thus, fair maid: are you dis- Is in the barn! in every straw a devil. pos’d to marry?

D. Tur. Why dost thou bawl so, Puppy? Awd. You are dispos'd to ask.

speak, what ails thee? Pol. Are you to grant ?

Pup. My name's Ball Puppy, I ha’ seen Awd. Nay, now I see you are dispos'd

the devil indeed.

Among the straw : ( for a cross ! a collop Pol. I see the wench wants but a little wit; Of friar Bacon, or a conjuring stick And that defect her wealth may well supply: Of doctor Faustus ! spirits are in the barn. In plain terms, tell me, will you have me, Tub. How! spirits in the barn? Basket, Awdrey ?

[over, Awd. In as plain terins, I tell you who Hil. Sir, an' you were my master ten times would ha' me.

And 'squire to boot; I know, and you shall John Clay would ha' me, but he bath too

pardon me :

(not: hard hands;

Send me 'mong devils ? I zee you love me I like not him : besides, he is a thief. Heli be at their game: P'll not trouble them. And justice Bramble, he would fain ha' Tub. Go see ; I warrant thee there's no catch'd me:

such matter.

(matter. But the young 'squire, he, rather than his Hil. An' they were giants, 'twere another Would ha' me yet; and make me a lady, But devils ! no, if I be torn in pieces, says,

[service, What is your warrant worth ? I'll see the And be my knight, to do me true knight's

fiend Before his lady inother. Can you make me

Set fire o' the barn, ere I come there. A lady, would I ha' you?

D. Tur. Now all zaints bless us, and if he Poi. I can gi' you

be there, A silken gown, and a rich petticoat,

He is an ugly spright I warrant. And a French hood. All fools love to be Pup. As ever

(rather : brave:

Held flesh-hook, dame, or handled fire-fork I find her humour, and I will pursue it. They have put me in a sweet pickle, dame;

But that my lady Valentine smells of musk,
I should be asham'd to press into this pre-

(miracle ! Lady, D. Turfe, Squire Tub, Hilts, Puppy,

Lad. Basket, I pray thee see what is the Clay.

Tub. Come, go with me: I'll lead. Why Lad. And, as I told thee, she was inter

stand'st thou, man? cepted

[ruflian, Hil. Cocks precious, master, you are not By the 'squire, here, my son, and this bold

mad indeed? His man; who safely would have carried her You will not go to hell before your time? Unto her father, and the chanon Hugh; Tub. Why art thou thus afraid? But for more care of the security,

Hil. No, not afraid :

[barn. My huisher hath her now in his grave But, by your leave, I'll come no near the charge.

[we are D. Tur. Puppy, wilt thou go with me? D. Tur. Now on my faith and holy-dom, Pup. How I go with you ? Beholden to your worship. She's a girl, Whither, into the barn? to whom, the devil ? A foolish girl, and soon may tempted be: Or to do what there? to be torn amongst But if this day pass well once o'er her head,

'um? I'll wish her trust to herself. For I have been Stay for my master, the high constable, A very mother to her, though I say it. Or In-and-in the headborough; let them go Tub. Madain, 'tis late, and Pancras is i' Into the barn with warrant ; seize the fiend; your way:

And set him in the stocks for his ill rule: I think your ladyship forgets yourself. 'Tis not for me, that am but flesh and blood, Lad. 'Your mind runs much on Pancras. To meddle with 'un. Vor I cannot, nor Í Well, young squire,

wu' not.

(matter? The black ox never trod yet o' your

foot: Lad. I pray thee, Tripoly, look what is the These idle phant'sies will forsake you one Tub. That shall I, madam. day.

Hil. Heaven protect my master. Come, Mrs. Turfe, will you go take a walk I tremble every joint till die be baca.

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Pup. Now, now, even now, they are And other things, he had away my daughte, tearing him in pieces ;

And two seald

bags of money. Now are they tossing of his legs and arms Lad. Where's the 'squire ? Like loggets at a pear-tree': I'll to the hole, Is he gone hence? Peep in, and look whether he lives or dies. D. Tur. H' was here, madam, but now. Hil. I would not be in my master's coat Clay. Is the hue and cry past by? for thousands.

[away. Pup. I, I, John Clay. [hang'd Pup. Then pluck it off, and turn thyself Clay. And am I out of danger to be O the devil! the devil! the devil !

Pup. Hang'd, John! yes sure; unless a Hil. Where, man, where?

with the proverb, D. Tur. Alas, that ever we were born. You mean to make the choice of your 04 So near too?

gallows. Pup. The 'squire hath him in his hand, Clay. Nay, then all's well : hearing you and leads him

news, Ball Puppy, Out by the collar.

You ha' brought from Paddington, I er D. Tur. O this is John Clay.

stole home here,

(since Lud. John Clay at Pancras, is there to be And thought to hide me in the barn de married.

Pup. Owonderful! and news was brough Tub. This was the spirit revell’d i'the barn.

us here, Pup. The devil he was: was this he was You were at Pancras ready to be married. crawling

[barley, Clay. No, faith, I ne'er was further this: Among the wheat-straw? had it been the

the barn.

[Dido Wisp I should ha' tane bim for the devil in drink; D. Tur. Haste, Puppy. Call forth Min. The spirit of the bride-ale: but poor John, My lady's gentlewoman, to her lady; Tame John of Clay, that sticks about the And call yourself forth, and a couple a bung-hole

maids, Hil. If this be all your devil, I would take To wait upon me: we are all undone! In hand to conjure him : but hell take me, My lady is undone, her fine young son, If e'er I come in a right devil's walk, The 'squire, is got away. If I can keep me out on't.

Lady. Haste, haste, good Valentine. Tub. Well meant, Hilts.

D. Tur. And you, John Clay; you ar Lad. But how came Clay thus hid here i'

undone too! all ! the straw.

[at Pancras, My husband is undone, by a true key, When news was brought to you all he was But a false token; and my self's undone, And you believ'd it ?

By parting with my daughter, who'll 1: D. Tur. Justice Bramble's man

married Told me so, madam: and by that same token To some body that she should not, if we haste

1Like Loggets at a pear-tree.] The word loggats occurs in Shakspeare's Hamlet act 5. sc. 1. “ Did these bones cost no more the breeding, but to play at loggats wili “ 'em?” Sir Thomas Haniner, in the glossary to his edition, says, it is in the number vi unlawful games enumerated 33 Hen. VIII. and is the same with what is now called kittle pins. But loggets here signifies no more than a billet or sınall chump of wood, and is probably a diminutive from the word log: the game itself was so called from the loggets us wooden pins made use of in the play.

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Tub, Pol-Martin.
I PRAY thee, good Pol-Martin,

shew thy diligence,
And faith in both: get her but so disguis’d
The chanon may not know her, and leave me
To plot the rest: I will expect thee here.

Pol. You shall, 'squire. I'll performt

with all care,
If all my lady's wardrobe will disguise her.
Come, inistress Awdrey.

Awd. Is the 'squire gone
Pol. He'll meet us by-and-by, where be

You shall

be brave anon, as none shall know you.

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Clench, Medlay, Pan, Scriben.

[Tub, Hilts, to them.]
Cle. I wonder where the queen's high

constable is !
I vear they ha' made 'un away.

Med. No zure: the justice
Dare not conzent to that. He'll zee 'un

[lent oath Pan. He must, vor we can all take corpuWe zaw ’un go in there.

Scri. I, upon record !
The clock dropt twelve at Maribone.

Jted. You are right, D'oge!
Zet down to a minute, now 'tis a'most vowre.

Cle. Here comes 'squire Tub.

Scri. And's governour, Mr. BasketHilts, do you know 'un, a valiant wise

vellow !
As tall a man on his hands, as goes on veet.
Bless you, mass' Basket.

Hil. Thank you, good D'oge.
Tub. Who's that ?
Hil. D’oge Scriben the great writer, sir,

of Chalcot.
Tub. And who the rest ?

Hil. The wisest heads o' the hundred.
Medlay the joiner, headborough of Islington,
Pan of Belsize, and Clench the leach of

[bury. LI'

The high constable's counsel here of Fins-
Tub. Prezent me to 'em, Hilts, 'squire

Tub of Totten.
Hil. Wise mer of Finsbury, make place

for a 'squire MO

I bring to your acquaintance, Tub of Totten. 'Squire Tub, my master, loves all men of virtue,

[on you. V And longs (as one would zay) till he be one

Cle. His worship’s wel'cun to our company: $Would 't were wiser for 'un.

Pan. Here be some on us Fake Are call'd the witty men over a hundred.

Scri. And zome a thousand, when the

muster-day comes. Tub. I long (as my man Hilts said, and

my governor)
To be adopt in your society.
Can any man make a masque here i’ this

Pan. A masque ! what's that?
Scri. A mumming or a shew,
With vizards and fine clothes.

Cle. A disguise, neighbour,
Is the true word : there stands the man

can do't, sir:
Medlay the joiner, In-and-in of Islington,
The only man at a disguise in Middlesex.

Tub. But who shall write it ?
Hil. Scriben the great writer.
Scri. He'll do't alone, sir; he will join

with no man : 'Thougłı he be a joiner, in design he calls it, He must be sole inventer. In-and-in

Draws with no other in's project, he'll tell

you, It cannot else be feasible, or conduce: Those are his ruling words ? pleaze you to hear’un?

Tub. Yes, Mr. In-and-in, I have heard of
Med. I can do nothing, I.
Cle. He can do all, sir.
Med. They'll tell you so.

Tub. I'ld have a toy presented,
A Tale of a Tub, a story of myself,
You can express a Tub.

Med. If it conduce
To the design, whate'er is feazible :
I can express a wash-house (if need be)
With a whole pedigree of Tubs.

Tub. No, one Will be enough to note our nanie and family; 'Squire Tub of Totten, and to shew my ad

ventures This very day. I'd have it in Tubs Hall, At Totten-Court, my lady mother's house ; My house indeed, for I am heir to it. Med. If I might see the place, and had

survey'd it, I could say more; for all invention, sir, Comes by degrees, and on the view of

nature, A world of things concur to the design, Which makes it feasible, if art conduce.

Tub. You say well, witty Mr. In-and-in. How long ha' you studied ingine? Med. Since I first

[year. Join'd, or did in-lay in wit, some vorty Tub. A pretty time! Basket, go you and

wait On master In-and-in to Totten-Court, And all the other wise masters, shew 'em

the hall, And taste the language of the buttery to'em. Let'em see all the tubs about the house, That can raise matter, till I come which

shall be Within an hour at least.

Cle. It will be glorious, If In-and-in will undertake it, sir : He has a monstrous Medlay-wit o' his own. Tub. Spare for no cost, either in boards or hoops,

(cooper, To architect your tub : ha' you ne'er a At London, call'd Vitruvius? send for him ; Or old John Haywood, call him to you, to help.

[alone. Scri. He scorns the motion, trust to him

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Lady Tub, D. Turfe, Clay, Puppy, Wispe,

Preamble, Turfe.
Lad. O here's the 'squire ! you slip'd us

finely, son! [mend you; These manners to your mother will comBut in another age, not this: well, Tripoly, Your father, good sir Peter, (rest his bones) Would not ha' done this; where's my

huisher, Martin?

And your fair Mrs. Awdrey ?

Where we found John Clay hidden i' the Tub. I not see 'em,

barn, No creature but the four wise masters here, To’scape the hue and cry: and here he is. Of Finsbury hundred, came to cry their Tur. 'John Clay agen! nay, tben-set constable,

cock-a-hoop: Who, they do say, is lost,

I ha' lost no daughter, nor no money, justice D. Tur. My husband lost,

John Clay shall pay. I'll look to you now, And my fond daughter lost? I fear me too.


ing Where is your gentleman, madam ? poor Vaith, out it must, as good as night at mori John Clay,

I am e'en as vull as a piper's bag with joy, Thou hast lost thy Awdrey.

Or a great gun upon carnation-day! Clay. I ha’ lost my wits,

I could weep lions tears to see you, John. My little wits, good mother; I'm distracted. 'Tis but two vifty pounds I ha' ventur'd for Pup. And I have lost my mistress Dido


[dred Wispe,

But now I ha' you, you shall pay whole hur Who frowns upon her Puppy, Hannibal. Run from your burrows, son faith, e'en be Loss ! loss on every side! a public loss !

hang'd. Loss o' my master! loss of his daughter ! loss An' you once earth yourself, John, i’ the Of favour, friends, my mistress ! loss of all !


['un Pre. What cry is this?

I ha' no daughter vor you: who did verre: Tur. My man speaks of some loss.

D. Tur. My lady's son, the 'squire here, Pup. My master's found: good luck,

vetch'd 'un out and't be thy will,

Puppy had put us all in such a vright, Light on us all.

We thought the devil was i' the barn; and V. Tur. O husband, are you alive?

nobody They said you were lost.

Durst venture oʻ'un.
Tur. Where's justice Bramble's clerk? Tur. I am now resolv'd
Had he the money that I sent for?

Who shall ba’ my daughter.
D. Tur. Yes,

D. Tur. Who? Two hours ago, two fifty pounds in silver, Tur. He best deserves her. (round And Awdrey too.

Here comes the vicar. Chan Hugh, we ha Tur. Why, Awdrey? who sent for her ? John Clay agen! the matter's all come D. Tur. You, master Turfe, the fellow

round. said. Tur. He lied.

SCENE IV. I am cozen'd, robb’d, undone, your man's a thief,


Chanon Hugh. [To them.] And run away with my daughter, Mr. Bram- Hugh. Is Metaphor return'd yet? And with my money;

Pre. All is turn'a Lady. Neighbour Turfe, have patience; Here to confusion : we ha' lost our plot: I can assure you that your daughter's safe, I fear my man is run away with the money, But for the monies, I know nothing of. And Clay is found, in whom old Turte i Tur. My money is my daughter, and my daughter

To save his stake. She is my money, madam.

Hug. What shall we do then, justice ? Pre. I do wonder

Pre. The bride was met i' the young Your ladyship comes to know any thing

'squire's hands. In these affairs.

lug. And what's becor's of her ? Lady. Yes, justice Bramble,

Pre. None here can tell. I met the maiden i' the fields by chance, Tub. Was not my mother's man, Pol. l' the 'squire's company, my son : how he

Martin, with you?
Lighted upon her, himself best can tell. And a strange gentlewoman in his company,

Tub. I intercepted her as coming hither, Of late here, chanon ?
To her father, who gent for her by Miles Hug. Yes, and I dispatch'd 'em.

(dyship Tub. Dispatch'd'em! how do you mean?
Justice Bramble's clerk. And had your la- Hug. Why married 'em,
Not hinder'd it, I had paid fine Mr. justice As they desir'd but now.
For his young warrant, and new purs’yvant, Tub. And do you know
He sery'd it by this morning. -

What you ha' done, sir Hugh? Pre. Know you that, sir?

Hug. No harm, I hope. Lady. You told me, 'squire, a quite other Tub. You have ended all the quarrel: tale;

Awdrey is married. But I believ'd you not, wbich made me Lady. Married ! to whom? send

Tur. My daughter Awdrey married, Awdrey another way by my Pol-Martin: And she not know of it! And take my journey back to Kentish-town, D. Tur. Nor her father or mother!


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Lady. Whom hath she married?

Within the limits of your leave-I hope. Tub. Your Pol-Martin, madam.

Lady. I give her what she wears. I know A groom was never dreamt of.

all women

[me: Tur. Is he a man?

Love to be fine. Thou hast deserv'd it of Lady. That he is, Turfe, and a gentle- I am extremely pleas’d with thy good forman I ha' made him.

tune. D. Tur. Nay, an' he be a gentleman, let Welcome good justice Preamble; and Turfe her shift.

Look merrily on your daughter: she has Hug. She was so brave, I knew her not, I


A gentleman.
And yet I married her by her own name.

Tur. So methinks. I dare not touch her. But she was so disguis’d, so lady-like, She is so fine : yet I will say, God bless her. 23,97 I think she did not know herself the while ! D. Tur. And I too, my tine daughter. I I married 'em as a mere pair of strangers :

could love her 2.52.3" And they gave out themselves for such. Now twice as well as if Clay had her. Lauly. I wish 'em

Tub. Come, come, my mother is pleas’d:
Much joy, as they have given me hearts ease.

I pardon all.
Tub Then, madam, I'll entreat you now

Pol-Martin, in and wait upon my lady. remit

Welcome good guests : see supper be serv'd Your jealousy of me; and please to take


[ship. All this good company home with you to With all the plenty of the house and worsupper:

I must confer with Mr. In-and-In
We'll have a merry night of it, and laugh.

About some alterations in my masque: Lady. A right good motion, 'squire ; Send Hilts out to nie; bid hinn bring the which I yield to:


council And thank them to accept it. Neighbo!:i i Of Finsbury hither. I'll have such a night

I'll have you merry, and your wife and Shall make the name of Totten-court impa you,


Sir Hugh; be pardon'd this your happy er- And be recorded to posterity.
By justice Preamble your friend and patron.
Pre. If the young 'squire can pardon it,

I do.

Tub, Medlay, Clench, Pan, Scriben, Ilills.

Tub. O Mr. In-and-In, what ha' you

done? Puppy, Dido, Hugh, (tarry behind.]

Med. Survey'd the place, sir, and dePup. Stay, my dear Dido, and good vicar

sign'd the ground, Hugh,

Or stand-still of the work : and this it is.
We have a business with you: in short, this,

First, I have fixed in the earth a tub;
If you dare knit another pair of strangers,

And an old tub, like a saltpetre-tub,
Dido of Carthage, and her countryman, Preluding by your father's name, si: Peter,
Stout Hannibal stands to't. I have ask'd And the antiquity of your house and family,

Original from salt-petre. And she hath granted.

Tub. Good, y-faith,

[sir. Hug. But saith Dido so?

You ha' shewn rcarlag and antiquity here, Dido. From what Ball Hanny hath said I

Med. Phave a little knowledge in design,

Whic'. I can vary, sir, to infinito. Hug. Come in then, I'll dispatch you. A Tub. Ad infinitum, sir, you mean. good supper


Med. I do.
Would not be lost, good company, good dis- I stand not on my Latin, l'Il invent:
PS But above all, where wit hath any source.

But I must be alone then, join'd with no

This we do call the stand-still of our work. Pol-Martin, Audrey, Tub, Lady, Preamble,

Tub. Who are those te you now join'd Turfe, D. Turfe, Clay.

to yourself?

Med. I mean myself still in the plural Pol After the hoping of your pardon,

number, madam,

And out of this we raise our Tale of a Tub. For many faults committed, here my wife Tub. No, Mr. In-and-in, my Tale of a And I do stand expecting your mild doom.

Tub, Lady. I wish thee joy, Pol-Martin; and By your leave, I am Tub, the Tale's of me, thy wife

[trick'd her And

my adventures! } am 'squire Tub, As much, Mrs. Pol-Martin. Thou hast Subjectum tabula. Up very fine, methinks.

Med. But I the author. Pol. For that I made have trespass'd Tub. The workman, sir! the artisicer! I -5 Bold with your ladyship's wardrobe, but


dare not.go.

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grant you.


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