As if the art you have so long

60 Professed, of making old dogs young,
In you had virtue to renew

Not only youth, but childhood too:
Can you, that understand all books,
By judging only with your looks,
65 Resolve all problems with your face,
As others do with Bs and As;
Unriddle all that mankind knows
With solid bending of your brows;
All arts and sciences advance,
70 With screwing of your countenance,
And with a penetrating eye,

Into th' abstrusest learning pry;
Know more of any trade b' a hint,

Than those that have been bred up in 't,

75 And yet have no art, true or false,

To help your own bad naturals ?

But still the more you strive t' appear,
Are found to be the wretcheder:

For fools are known by looking wise, 80 As men find woodcocks by their eyes. Hence 'tis that 'cause ye 'ave gained o' th' college A quarter share, at most, of knowledge, And brought in none, but spent repute, Y'assume a power as absolute

85 To judge, and censure, and control, As if you were the sole Sir Poll,

90

And saucily to pretend to know
More than your dividend comes to:

You'll find the thing will not be done :

With ignorance and face alone:

No, though ye 'ave purchased to your name,
In history, so great a fame;

That now your talent's so well known,
For having all belief outgrown,
95 That every strange prodigious tale,
Is measured by your German scale,
By which the virtuosi try
The magnitude of every lie,

Cast up to what it does amount,

100 And place the bigg'st to your account;
That all those stories that are laid
Too truly to you, and those made,
Are now still charged upon your score,
And lesser authors named no more.
105 Alas! that faculty betrays

Those soonest it designs to raise ;
And all your vain renown will spoil,
As guns o'ercharged the more recoil;
Though he that has but impudence,
110 To all things has a fair pretence;
And put among his wants but shame,
To all the world may lay his claim:
Though you have tried that nothing's borne
With greater ease than public scorn,

115

That all affronts do still give place

To your impenetrable face;

That makes your way through all affairs,
As pigs through hedges creep with theirs:
Yet as 'tis counterfeit, and brass,

120 You must not think 'twill always pass;
For all impostors, when they're known,
Are past their labour, and undone :
And all the best that can befall
An artificial natural,

125

Is that which madmen find, as soon

As once they're broke loose from the moon,

130

And, proof against her influence,
Relapse to e'er so little sense,

To turn stark fools, and subjects fit
For sport of boys, and rabble-wit.

PART III.-CANTO I.

THE ARGUMENT.

5

The knight and squire resolve at once
The one the other to renounce;

They both approach the lady's bower,

The squire t' inform, the knight to woo her.
She treats them with a masquerade,

By furies and hobgoblins made;

From which the squire conveys the knight,
And steals him from himself by night.

'TIS true, no lover has that power

T'enforce a desperate amour,

As he that has two strings t' his bow,
And burns for love and money too;

For then he's brave and resolute,

Disdains to render in his suit;

Has all his flames and raptures double,

And hangs or drowns with half the trouble; While those who sillily pursue

10 The simple downright way, and true,

15

Make as unlucky applications,

And steer against the stream their passions.

Some forge their mistresses of stars,

And when the ladies prove averse,

And more untoward to be won

Than by Caligula the moon,

Cry out upon the stars for doing
Ill offices, to cross their wooing,

When only by themselves they 're hindered,
20 For trusting those they made her kindred,
And still the harsher and hide-bounder,
The damsels prove, become the fonder;
For what mad lover ever died

23

To gain a soft and gentle bride?

Or for a lady tender-hearted,

In purling streams or hemp departed?
Leaped headlong int' Elysium,

Through th' windows of a dazzling room?
But for some cross ill-natured dame,
30 The amorous fly burnt in his flame.
This to the knight would be no news,
With all mankind so much in use,
Who therefore took the wiser course,
To make the most of his amours,
Resolved to try all sorts of ways,
As follows in due time and place.

35

40

No sooner was the bloody fight Between the wizard and the knight, With all th' appurtenances over, But he relapsed again t' a lover; As he was always wont to do, When he 'ad discomfited a foe, And used the only antique philters Derived from old heroic tilters. 45 But now triumphant and victorious, He held th' achievement was too glorious For such a conqueror to meddle With petty constable or beadle; Or fly for refuge to the hostess

50

Of th' inns of court and chancery, justice;

H