I was near being drawn into an intimacy with an actual criminal. Not but what I had my doubts all along. Yes, when I came to look in his face, I could see it wasn't the face of an honest man. Good morning, sir. (going, looks at NIMBLE) Scotland-yard in every lineament. (Exit R. NIMBLE. Oh, good day, good day. Well, this is very extraordinary behaviour on the part of Scroggins. He has changed his name, that is very plain. I see how it is, Scroggins is here incog. That lady I met going out as I came in, with a baby-the sly dog! Well, a very pretty nest upon my word, though I cannot say I admire his taste in regard to the lady. This is what he cut all his Clapham friends for, is it? Oh, the rascal! Well, I am glad I have found him, I want to get that twenty pounds off my conscience. But how to get at him! (stamps on stage)

STAN. (opens door) 'The signal! he's gone, no there he is. (shuts door)

NIMBLE. He wants to avoid me, as if I couldn't keep a secret. Well, if he won't come out, hang me if I don't go in. (pushes door, it is held from behind) There's somebody holding the door. Scroggins, Scroggins! No answer. (pushes violently at door, which yields, he goes off, a crash is heard, he re-enters) I'm hanged if he hasn't gone through the green-house roof trying to escape by the window. He must be mad, I'll go down and see if he is hurt. (going, R.)

Enter TATTLE, L. 1 E.

TATTLE. I've got him—I've got him! Took him trying to escape by the greenhouse. My gardener has got him fast.

NIMBLE. Ha, it's a sad case.

TATTLE. A very flagrant case, I have no doubt. Is it murder?

NIMBLE. Murder. (aside) Good gracious, they can't make me guilty of murder. (aloud) Is he much hurt, then? TATTLE. Oh dear no, only a few scratches. (aside) He won't say, I dread the worst.

NIMBLE. (aside) Has he been long so, I wonder. (aloud) How long have you known Scroggins?

TATTLE. Oh, I don't know him at all, or very little. No acquaintance of mine, I assure you. I just stepped in today, quite accidentally, and directly he saw you, I perceived there was something wrong.

NIMBLE. Not till he saw me. (aside) Stuff-and-nonsense, seeing a man who owed him twenty pounds wouldn't drive him mad-absurd! If that were likely, there wouldn't be a sane tailor in the three kingdoms, and a man would only have to show himself to his creditors to have them safely disposed of in a lunatic asylum. (aloud) This is most unaccountable.

TATTLE. Excuse me, what did you say was unaccountable ? NIMBLE. Pray tell me, that lady I met with the infant, have they been long acquainted?

TATTLE. Well, as long as the infant has been in the world, I suppose.

NIMBLE. No, no, I mean the lady and Scroggins.

TATTLE. Oh, I see. (aside) Wants to collect evidence. (aloud) Oh dear no, quite strangers.

NIMBLE. Strangers!

TATTLE. Why yes! You see there was a slight misunderstanding-a little mistake of mine, in fact.

NIMBLE. I don't understand.

STAN. (without) Let me alone. Take your hands off, I

say.

TATTLE. He is trying to get away. (goes to window) He has got away. He is coming up. (comes to front)_Regardless of his own safety, he means to be revenged on me. He may carry some deadly weapon, perhaps; I'll conceal myself. Where? Ha, the window. (goes to balcony and draws the curtains, looking out between them)

NIMBLE. Coming up-and mad! He may pitch into me, perhaps, they generally take a dislike to their best friends. (takes up chair and goes behind table)

Enter STANHOPE, L. 1 E., his dress in disorder, fragments of glass and of plants about him.

STAN. Where—where is that rascal Tittle, Tattle-what's his name? What does he mean by setting his gardener on to me? The fellow has nearly throttled me.

NIMBLE. HOW wild he looks. Sep. my dear fellowSep. Scroggins, don't you know me?

STAN. Hush! He'll hear you.

NIMBLE. (aside) Poor fellow, he don't know me. What a blank his mind is.

STAN. You needn't tell everybody who I am-I am Chesterfield Stanhope here.

NIMBLE. He is plainly labouring under the hallucination that he is somebody else. The Emperor of China, or the Great Mogul is a favourite assumption in such cases.

He

is less ambitious, and doesn't go beyond the peerage. Poor fellow !

STAN. Where is he?

NIMBLE. Who?

TATTLE. (aside) He means me. He wants to get at me, I can see it in his eye.

STAN. My next door neighbour, Tittle-no, Tattle. Has he gone away?

NIMBLE. (aside) The sight of him might make him worse. I had better say yes. (aloud) Yes, oh yes.

STAN. Then I don't mind telling you-but it's a secret, mind. (goes towards NIMBLE, who retreats)

TATTLE. (aside) Now I shall know all about it.

STAN. (takes hold of NIMBLE suddenly) Come here.

NIMBLE. No you don't! (retreats holding chair-aside) It's only a pretence to get hold of me and do me an injury. These lunatics are very cunning.

STAN. What's the matter? Come here!

What are you afraid of?

NIMBLE. Thank you, I'd rather not.
STAN. But I want to tell you

NIMBLE. Speak out, then.

STAN. I'll just make sure that Tattle isn't about first. You see his balcony joins mine, and he is awfully curious. (pulls curtains aside and discovers TATTLE going off, L.) Ha, here he is. Now, sir, how dare you tell your servant to detain me like a common thief? (pulls TATTLE to front of stage)

'TATTLE. (going to R. behind NIMBLE) Here, take him up, can't you, you X 45. He is your prisoner. Do your duty. Take him up. Folks lives aren't safe with a desperate character like that man at large.

NIMBLE. (R. C.) My prisoner! what do you mean? what do you take me for?

TATTLE. A detective to be sure.

NIMBLE. A detective! ha, ha! that's capital-a good joke -not a bit of it, I'm an old friend of our poor friend Septhat is-(aside) I suppose I had better humour him. (aloud) Of Mr. Chesterfield Stanhope.

STAN. No, there is no such individual-at least, not at Maximilian Villas. My new name has brought me nothing

but trouble and vexation. In future I'll stick to the old one; so let it be Sep. Scroggins, my boy, and welcome. NIMBLE. (aside to TATTLE) He is rational enough now. TATTLE. Rational, of course, why not?

NIMBLE. Not mad, eh?

TATTLE. (R.) Mad, not a bit of it, sane as I am.

NIMBLE. (to STANHOPE) To think I should have made such a mistake. And now tell me what was your little game in changing your name.

TATTLE. (aside) Ha! now I shall hear.

STAN. Simply because, like a fool, I was ashamed of the old one.

TATTLE. Is that all? murder, nor a forgery?

And you haven't committed a

STAN. A murder, a forgery? What do you mean, sir? TATTLE. Nothing, nothing, I'm afraid I've made a slight mistake.

STAN. A mistake. Confound you, you are always making mistakes; a pretty mistake you made this morning.

TATTLE. Well, but you must own, if you had not changed your name, and so excited my suspicion

STAN. And what right had you to make me a husband and a father on suspicion, sir? Look at the mischief you have done. A charming widow, (aside) and seven thousand pounds, (aloud) lost to me for ever.

Enter JULIA, R. 1 E., with a letter.

JULIA. Nothing of the kind, my dear Septimus.

STAN. Mrs. Jenkins-Julia, here? (TATTLE and NIMBLE talk apart, R.)

JULIA. Yes, I met the lady who was here just now, and learned how wrongly I had judged you; forgive me, I am yours.

STAN. Oh, happiness. (about to embrace her) But no, it can never be, you do not know

JULIA. You are mistaken, I heard the conversation which has just taken place, I know all.

STAN. All?

JULIA. But dear me, I forgot to give you this letter which I volunteered to bring upstairs with me. Your servant took it from the postman as I entered. See, it is marked "important." (NIMBLE crosses to L.)

STAN. (reads letter) Here's news. From my lawyer. My

uncle Benson is dead, and has left me his sole heir on condition that I shall also take his name.

JULIA. So I shall not be Mrs. Scroggins after all. Well, Septimus, I am not sorry to hear it, I cannot say I like the name, you know.

STAN. Of course you don't, who does? (to audience) Do you?

TATTLE. No, I am sure they don't. Now I look at them I can see it in their eyes.

STAN. Then, with your permission I'll change it every night till further notice.

CURTAIN.