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Val. Not so fair, boy, as well favour'd.
Speed. That she is not so fair, as, of you, wellfavour'd.
Val. I mean, that her beauty is exquisite, but her favour infinite.
Speed. That's because the one is painted, and the other out of all count.
Val. How painted ? and how out of count?
Speed. Marry, sir, so painted to make her fair, that no man 'counts of her beauty.
Val. How esteem'st thou me? I account of her beauty.
Speed. You never saw her since she was deform’d.
Val. I have lov'd her ever since I saw her; and still I see her beautiful.
Speed. If you love her, you cannot see her. Val. Why? Speed. Because Love is blind. Oh, that you had mine eyes; or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to have, when you chid at Sir Proteus for going ungarter'd!
Val. What should I see then?
Speed. Your own present folly, and her passing deformity : for he, héing in love, could not see to garter his hose; and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.
Val. Belike, boy, then you are in love; for last morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.
Speed. True, sir; I was in love with my bed. I thank you, you swing'd me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you for yours.
Val. In conclusion, I stand affected to her.
Speed. I would you were set, so, your affection would cease.
Val. Last night she enjoin'd me to write some lines to one she loves.
Speed. And have you ?
Val. No, boy, but as well as can do them, Peace, here she comes.
Enter SILVIA. Speed. O excellent motion ! O exceeding puppet ! Now will he interpret to her.
Val. Madam and mistress, a thousand good-morSpeed. Oh, 'give you good even! here's a million of manners.
[dside. Sil. Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.
Speed. He should give her interest, and she gives it him.
Val. As you enjoin'd me, I have writ your letter, Unto the secret nameless friend of yours; Which I was much unwilling to proceed in, But for my duty to your ladyship.
Sil. I thank you, gentle servant: 'tis very clerkly done.
Val. Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off ; For, being ignorant to whom it goes, I writ at random, very doubtfully,
Sil. Perchance you think too much of so much pains ?
Val. No, madam, so it stead you, I will write, Please you command, a thousand times as much. Sil. A
I And yet I will not name it;—and yet I care not ;
pretty period. Well, guess the sequel; And yet take this again ;—and yet I thank you ; Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more. Speed. And yet you will; and yet, another yet.
Aside. Val. What means your ladyship? do you not like it?
Sil. Yes, yes; the lines are very quaintly writ, But since unwillingly, take them again; Nay, take them again.
And yet :
Val. Madam, they are for you.
Sil. Ay, ay ; you writ them, sir, at my request; But I will none of them; they are for you. I would have had them writ more movingly.
Val. Please you, I'll write your ladyship another.
Sil. And, when it's writ, for my sake read it over. And, if it please you, so; if not, why, so.
Val. If it please me, madam ! what then?
Sil. Why, if it please you, take it for your labour; And so good-morrow, servant. [Exit. Silvia.
Speed. O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible, As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple! My master sues to her; and she hath taught her suitor, He being her pupil, to become her tutor. O excellent device! was there ever heard a better? That my master, being scribe, to himself should write
the letter? Val. How now, sir! what are you reasoning with yourself?
Speed. Nay, I was riming ; 'tis you that have the reason,
Val. To do what?
Speed. What need she, when she hath made you write to yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest?
Val. No, believe me.
Speed. No believing you indeed, sir. But did you perceive her earnest ?
Val. She gave me none, except an angry word.
Speed. And that letter hath she deliver'd, and there an end.
Val. I would, it were no worse !
Speed. I'll warrant you, 'tis as well: For often have you writ to her, and she, in modesty, Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply; Or fearing else some messenger, that might her mind
discover, Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her
lover. All this I speak in print; for in print I found it.Why muse you, sir? 'tis dinner-time.
Val. I have din'd.
Speed. Ay, but hearken, sir: though the cameleon Love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourish'd by my victuals, and would fain have meat. Oh!
be not like your mistress; be moved, be moved.
SCENE II. Verona. A Room in Julia's House.
Enter PROTEUS and JULIA.
AVE patience, gentle Julia.
Jul. I must, where is no remedy.
[Giving a ring. Pro. Why then we'll make exchange; here, take Jul. And seal the bargain with a holy kiss.
Pro. Here is my hand for my true constancy ;
[Exit Julia. Julia, farewell.—What! gone without a word ?
Ay, so true love should do. It cannot speak;
SCENE III. The same. A Street.
the kind fault. I have receiv'd my proportion, like the prodigious son, and am going with sir Proteus to the Imperial's court. I think, Crab my dog be the sourest-natured dog that lives. My mother weeping, my father wailing, my sister crying, our maid howling, our cat wringing her hands, and all our house in a great perplexity, yet did not this cruel-hearted cur shed one tear. He is a stone, a very pebble stone, and has no more pity in him than a dog. A Jew would have wept to have seen our parting ; why, my grandam having no eyes, look you, wept herself blind at my parting. Nay, l'll shew you the manner of it. This shoe is my father—no, this left shoe is my father ;-no, no, this left shoe is my mother ;-nay, that cannot be so neither ;-yes, it so, it is so; it hath the worser sole. This shoe, with the hole in it, is my mother; and this my father. A vengeance on't! there 'tis. Now, sir, this staff is my sister; for, look you, she is as white as a lily, and as small as a wand; this hat is Nan, our maid; I am the dog-no, the dog is himself, and I am the dog ;-Oh! the dog is me, and I am myself: Ay, so, so. Now come I to my father; Father, your blessing ; now should not the shoe speak a word for weeping; now should I kiss