3. "Why, master parson, as to that
I beg you'll right conceive me,
I do na' brag, but yet I know
A thing or two, believe me."

4. "We'll try your skill," the parson cried,
"For learning what digestion:
And this you'll prove, or right or wrong,
By solving me a question :

5. "Noah of old three babies had,
Or grown-up children rather;

Shem, Ham, and Japhet, they were called:
Now, who was Japhet's father?"

6. "Rat it!" cried Hodge, and scratched his head, "That does my wits belabor:

But howsomde'er I'll homeward run,
And ax old Giles, my neighbor."

7. To Giles he went, and put the case

With circumspect intention:

Thou fool!" cried Giles, "I'll make it clear
To thy dull comprehension.

8. "Three children has Tom Long, the smith,
Or cattle-doctor, rather;

Tom, Dick, and Harry, they are called:
Now, who is Harry's father?"

9. "Adzooks! I have it," Hodge replied,

66

Right well I know your lingo;

Who's Harry's father? stop-here goes—

Why Tom Long Smith, by jingo."

10. Away he ran to find the priest With all his might and main,

Who with good humor instant put
The question once again.

11. "Noah of old three babies had,
Or grown-up children rather;

Shem, Ham, and Japhet, they were called :
Now, who was Japhet's father?"

12. "I have it now," Hodge grinning cried,
“I'll answer like a proctor;

Who's Japhet's father? now I know;
Why, Tom Long Smith, the doctor! "

LESSON VII.

LOVE, MURDER, AND MATRIMONY-ALMOST.

ANONYMOUS.

1. IN Manchester a maiden dwelt,

Her name was Phoebe Brown,

Her cheeks were red, her hair was black,

And she was considered by good judges to be by

all odds the best looking girl in town.

2. Her age was nearly seventeen,
Her eyes were sparkling bright,

A very lovely girl she was,

And for about a year and a half there had been a

young man paying his attention to her by the name of Reuben

Wright..

3. Now Reuben was a nice young man

As any in the town,

And Phoebe loved him very dear,

But, on account of his being obliged to work for a

living, he never could make himself agreeable to old Mr. and Mrs. Brown.

4. Her parents were resolved
Another she should wed,

A rich old miser in the place,

And old Brown frequently declared, that rather than have his daughter marry Reuben Wright, he'd sooner knock him in the head.

5. But Phoebe's heart was brave and strong,

She feared not her parent's frowns,

And as for Reuben Wright so bold,

I've heard him say more than fifty times that, (with the exception of Phoebe,) he didn't care a cent for the whole race of Browns.

6. So Phoebe Brown and Reuben Wright
Determined they would marry;

Three weeks ago last Tuesday night,

They started for old Parson Webster's, determined to be united in the holy bonds of matrimony, though it was tremendous dark, and rained like the old Harry.

7. But Captain Brown was wide awake,

He loaded up his gun,

And then pursued the loving pair;

He overtook 'em when they'd got about half way to the Parson's, and then Reuben and Phoebe started off upon

the run.

8. Old Brown then took a deadly aim

Toward young Reuben's head,

But, oh! it was a bleeding shame,

He made a mistake, and shot his only daughter, and had the unspeakable anguish of seeing her drop right down stone dead.

9. Then anguish filled young Reuben's heart,

And vengeance crazed his brain,

He drew an awful jack-knife out,

And plunged it into old Brown about fifty or sixty

times, so that it's very doubtful about his ever coming to again.

10. The briny drops from Reuben's eyes

In torrents poured down,

He yielded up the ghost and died,

And in this melancholy and heart-rending manner terminates the history of Reuben and Phoebe, and likewise old Captain Brown.

LESSON VIII.

THE MODERN BELLE.

STARK.

1. SHE sits in a fashionable parlor,
And rocks in her easy chair;
She is clad in silks and satins,
And jewels are in her hair;

She winks, and giggles, and simpers,

And simpers, and giggles, and winks,

And though she talks but little,

'Tis a good deal more than she thinks.

2. She lies a-bed in the morning,

Till nearly the hour of noon,

Then comes down snapping and snarling,
Because she was called so soon!

Her hair is still in papers,

Her cheeks still fresh with paint;
Remains of her last night's blushes,
Before she intended to faint.

3. She doats upon men unshaven,
And men with "flowing hair,"
She's eloquent over mustaches,
They give such a foreign air!
She talks of Italian music,

And falls in love with the moon,
And if a mouse were to meet her,
She would sink away in a swoon.

4. Her feet are so very little,

Her hands are so very white,

Her jewels so very heavy,

And her head so very light;
Her color is made of cosmetics,
(Though this she will never own,)
Her body's made mostly of cotton,
Her heart is made wholly of stone.
5. She falls in love with a fellow,

Who swells with a foreign air;
He marries her for her money,
She marries him for his-hair!
One of the very best matches-
Both are well mated in life;
She's got a fool for a husband,
He's got a fool for a wife!"

LESSON IX.

AN OLD MAID'S DECISION.

FANNY FERN.

1. THERE she is, a poor, lone spinster, in a nicely furnished room-sofa big enough for two; two arm chairs, two bureaus, two looking glasses everything hunting in couples except her