Pro. Cease to lament for that thou can'st not Val. I pray thee, Launce, an if thou seest my boy, Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast: Read on. Speed. Item, She hath a sweet mouth. Laun. That makes amends for her sour breath. Laun. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk. Speed. Item, She is slow in words. Laun. O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words, is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with't; and place it for her chief virtue. Speed. Item, She is proud. Laun. Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her. Speed. Item, She hath no teeth. Laun. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. Speed. Item, She is curst. Laun. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. Speed. Item, She is too liberal. Laun. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ down she is slow of of her purse she shall not; for that I'll keep shut: now of another thing she may; and that I cannot help. Well, proceed. [Exeunt Valentine and Proteus. Laun. I am but a fool, look you ; and yet I have the wit to think, my master is a kind of knave: but that's all one, if he be but one knave. He lives not now, that knows me to be in love: yet I am in love; but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nór he who 'tis I love, and yet 'tis a woman: but that woman, I will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milk-maid; yet 'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips: yet 'tis a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than a water-spaniel,-which is much in a barechristian. Here is the cat-log [Pulling out a paper.] of her conditions. Imprimis, She can fetch and carry. Why, a horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only carry; therefore is she bet-it: The cover of the salt hides the salt, and thereter than a jade. Item, She can milk; look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands. Enter Speed. Speed. How now, signior Launce? what news with your mastership? Laun. With my master's ship? why it is at sea. Speed. Well, your old vice still; mistake the word: What news then in your paper? Laun. The blackest news that ever thou heard'st. Laun. Why as black as ink, Laun. Fye on thee, jolt-head; thou canst not read. Laun. I will try thee: Tell me this: Who begot thee? Speed. Marry, the son of my grandfather. Laun. Ay, that she can. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs: and more wealth than faults. Laun. Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article: Rehearse that once more. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit,— fore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit, is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next? Speed. And more faults than hairs, Laun. That's monstrous: O, that that were out! Laun. Why, that word makes the faults gracious: Well, I'll have her: And if it be a match, as nothing is impossible, Speed. What then? Laun. Why, then will I tell thee,-that thy master stays for thee at the north gate. Speed. For me? Laun. For thee? ay: who art thou? he hath staid for a better man than thee. Speed. And must I go to him? Laun. Thou must run to him, for thou hast staid so long, that going will scarce serve the turn. Speed. Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your love letters! [Exit. Laun. Now will he be swinged for reading my letter: An unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into secrets!—I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction. [Exit. Laun. And therefore comes the proverb,-Bless- SCENE II.-The same. A Room in the Duke's Speed. Item, She brews good ale. ing of your heart, you brew good ale. Speed. Item, She can sew. Laun. That's as much as to say, can she so ? Speed. Item, She can knit, Palace. Enter Duke and Thurio; Proteus behind. Duke. Sir Thurio, fear not, but that she will love [you, Laun. What need a man care for a stock with a Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight. wench, when she can knit him a stock, Speed. Item, She can mash and scour. Thu. Since his exile she hath despis'd me most, Forsworn my company, and rail'd at me, Laun. A special virtue; for then she need not That I am desperate of obtaining her. be washed and scoured. Speed. Item. She can spin. Laun. Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living. Speed. Item, She hath many nameless virtues. Laun. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names. Speed. Here follow her vices. Laun. Close at the heels of her virtues. Speed. Item, She is not to be kissed fasting, in respect of her breath. Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figure 1 Duke. My daughter takes his going grievously. Pro. A little time, my lord, will kill that grief. Duke, So I believe; but Thurio thinks not so.. Proteus, the good conceit I hold of thee, (For thou hast shown some sign of good desert,) Makes me the better to confer with thee." Pro. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace, Let me not live to look upon your grace. Duke. Thou know'st, how willingly I would effect| The match between sir Thurio and my daughter. Pro. I do, my lord. Duke. And also, I think, thou art not ignorant Pro. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here. Duke. Then you must undertake to slander him. [him, Duke. Where your good word cannot advantage Pro. You have prevail'd, my lord: if I can do it, By aught that I can speak in his dispraise, [him, [kind; Thu. Therefore, as you unwind her love from Duke. Ay, much the force of heaven-bred poesy. For Orpheus' lute was strung with poets' sinews; To sort some gentlemen well skill'd in musick: Pro. We'll wait upon your grace, till after supper; [Exeunt. ACT IV. SCENE I-A Forest, near Mantua.. 1 Out. Fellows, stand fast; I see a passenger... 2 Out. If there be ten, shrink not, but down with 'em. Enter Valentine and Speed. 3 Out. Stand, sir, and throw us that you have about you; If not, we'll make you sit, and rifle you." Speed. Sir, we are undone! these are the villains 1 Out. That's not so, sir; we are your enemies. 3 Out. Ay, by my beard, will we; For he's a proper man. [lose; Val. Then know, that I have little wealth to Val. To Verona. 1 Out. Whence came you? Val. From Milan. Val. For that which now torments me to re- 1 Out. Why, ne'er repent it, if it were done so. Val. My youthful travel therein made me happy; Or else I often had been miserable. 3 Out. By the bare scalp of Robin Hood's fat This fellow were a king for our wild faction. [friar, 1 Out. We'll have him; sirs, a word. Speed. Master, be one of them; It is an honourable kind of thievery. 2 Out. Tell us this: Have you any thing to take Val. Nothing, but my fortune. [to? [men, 3 Out. Know then, that some of us are gentle- 2 Out. And I from Mantua, for a gentleman, Whom, in my mood, I stabb'd unto the heart. 1 Out. And I, for such like petty crimes as these. 2 Out. Indeed, because you are a banish'd man, 3 Out. What say'st thou ? wilt thou be of our 1 Out. But if thou scorn our courtesy, thou diest. Val. I take your offer, and will live with you; 3 Out. No, we detest such vile base practices. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-Milan. Court of the Palace. Enter Proteus. "Pro. Already have I been false to Valentine, She twits me with my falsehood to my friend : Enter Thurio and Musicians. Thu. How now, sir Proteus? are you crept before us? Pro. Ay, gentle Thurio; for, you know, that love Will creep in service where it cannot go. Thu. Ay, but, I hope, sir, that you love not here. Pro. Sir, but I do; or else I would be hence. Thu. Whom? Silvia ? Pro. Ay, Silvia,-for your sake. Thu. I thank you for your own. Now, gentlemen, Let's tune, and to it lustily awhile. Enter Host, at a distance; and Julia in boy's clothes. Host. Now, my young guest! methinks you're allycholly; I pray you, why is it? Jul. Marry, mine host, because I cannot be merry. Host. Come, we'll have you merry: I'll bring you where you shall hear musick, and see the gentleman that you ask'd for, Jul. But shall I hear him speak? Jul. That will be musick. Host. Hark! hark! Jul. Is he among these? [Musick plays. Host. Ay: but peace, 'let's hear 'em. SONG. Who is Silvia? what is she, That all our swains commend her? The heavens such grace did lend her, Is she kind, as she is fair? For beauty lives with kindness: To help him of his blindness; That Silvia is excelling; Host. How now? are you sadder than you were before? How do you, man? the musick likes you not, Jul. You mistake; the musician likes me not. Host. Why, my pretty youth? Jul. He plays false, father. Host. How? out of tune on the strings? Jul. Not so; but yet so false that he grieves my very heart-strings. Host. You have a quick ear. Jul. Ay, I would I were deaf! it makes me have a slow heart. Host. I perceive, you delight not in musick. Host. Hark, what fine change is in the musick! Host. You would have them always play but one thing? Jul. I would always have one play but one thing. But, host, doth this sir Proteus, that we talk on, often resort unto this gentlewoman? Host. I tell you what Launce, his man, told me, he loved her out of all nick. Jul. Where is Launce? Host. Gone to seek his dog; which, to-morrow, by his master's command, he must carry for a present to his lady. Jul. Peace! stand aside! the company parts. Pro. Sir Thurio, fear not you! I will so plead, That you shall say, my cunning drift excels. Thu. Where meet we? Pro. At saint Gregory's well. Thu. Farewell. [Exeunt Thurio and Musicians, Pro. Madam, good even to your ladyship. [truth, Pro. Sir Proteus, gentle lady, and your servant, Sil. What is your will? Pro. That I may compass yours. That hast deceiv'd so many with thy vows?" Jul. Twere false, if I should speak it; [Aside, Sil. Say, that she be; yet Valentine, thy friend, Survives; to whom, thyself art witness, I am betroth'd: And art thou not asham'd To wrong him with thy importunacy ? Assure thyself, my love is buried. Pro. Sweet lady, let me rake it from the earth.. Sil. Go to thy lady's grave, and call her's thence; Or, at the least, in her's sepulchre thine. Jul. He heard not that. [Aside. Pro. Madam, if your heart be so obdurate, Vouchsafe me yet your picture for my love, The picture that is hanging in your chamber; To that I'll speak, to that I'll sigh and weep: For, since the substance of your perfect seif Is else devoted, I am but a shadow; And to your shadow I will make true love. Jul. If 'twere a substance, you would, sure, de. ceive it, And make it but a shadow, as I am. [Aside, 3 Sil. I am very loth to be your idol, sir; But, since your falshood shall become you well To worship shadows, and adore false shapes, Send to me in the morning, and I'll send it: And so, good rest. Pro. As wretches have o'er-night, That wait for execution in the morn. [Exeunt Proteus; and Silvia, from above, Jul. Host, will you go? Host. By my hallidon, I was fast asleep. Sil. Who calls? for't you shall judge. He thrusts me himself into the company of three or four gentleman-like dogs, under the duke's table: he had not been there (bless the mark) a pissing while; but all the chamber smelt him. Out with the dog, says one; What cur is that? says another; Whip him out, says a third; Hang him up, says the duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before, knew it was Crab; and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs: Friend, quoth I, you mean to whip the dog? Ay, marry, do I, quoth he. You do him the more wrong, quoth I; 'twas I did the thing you wot of. He makes no more ado, but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters would do this for their servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the stocks for puddings he hath stolen, other wise he had been executed: I have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for't: thou think'st not of this now!-Nay, Your servant, and your friend; One that attends your ladyship's command. [row. Sil. Sir Eglamour, a thousand times good-mor-I remember the trick you served me, when I took Egl. As many, worthy lady, to yourself. According to your ladyship's impose, I am thus early come, to know what service Sil. O Eglamour, thou art a gentleman, That I may venture to depart alone. [plagues. Egl. Madam, I pity much your grievances; Which since I know they virtuously are plac'd, I give consent to go along with you; Recking as little what betideth me As much I wish all good befortune you. Sil. Egl. Where shall I meet you? This evening coming. At friar Patrick's cell, Bel. I will not fail your ladyship: Where I intend holy confession. Good morrow, gentle lady. my leave of madam Silvia; did not I bid thee still mark me, and do as I do? When did'st thou ses me heave up my leg, and make water against a gentlewoman's farthingale ? did'st thou ever see me do such a trick? Enter Proteus and Julia. Pro. Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well, And will employ thee in some service presently. Jul. In what you please; I will do what I can. Pro. I hope, thou wilt.-How now, you whoreson peasant? [To Launce. Where have you been these two days loitering? Laun. Marry, sir, I carried mistress Silvia the dog you bade me. Pro. And what says she to my little jewel? Laun. Marry, she says, your dog was a cur; and tells you, currish thanks is good enough for such a present. Pro. But she received my dog? Laun. No, indeed, she did not: here have I brought him back again. Pro. What, didst thou offer her this from me? Laun. Ay, sir; the other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman's boys in the market-places and then I offered her mine own; who is a dog as big as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater. Pro. Go, get thee hence, and find my dog again, Or ne'er return again into my sight. Away, I say: Stay'st thou to vex me here? Sebastian, I have entertain'd thee, Therefore know thou, for this I entertain thee. Sit. Good morrow, kind sir Eglamour. [Exeunt. She loved me well, deliver'd it to me. SCENE IV.-The same. Enter Launce, with his dog. Jul. It seems, you loved her not, to leave her token: Pro. Jul. Alas! Not so; I think, she lives. Pro. Why dost thou cry, alas! Jul. Because, methinks, that she loved you as [well When a man's servant shall play the cur with him, look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a puppy one that I saved from drowning, when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it! I have taught him-even as one would say precisely, Thus I would teach a dog. I was sent As you do love your lady Silvia: to deliver him, as a present to mistress Silvia, from She dreams on him, that has forgot her love; my master; and I came no sooner into the dining-You dote on her, that cares not for your love. chamber, but he steps me to her trencher, and steals 'Tis pity, love should be so contrary; her capon's leg. O, 'tis a foul thing when a cur And thinking on it makes me cry, alas! cannot keep himself in all companies! I would Pro. Well, give her that ring, and therewithal have, as one should say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take afault upon me that he did, I think verily he had been hanged for't sure as I live he had suffered This letter;-that's her chamber.-Tell my lady [Exit Proteus. Jul. How many women would do such a message? This ring I gave him, when he parted from me, To plead for that, which I would not obtain ; Gentlewoman, good day! I pray you, be my mean Jul. From my master, sir Proteus, madam. Sil. Ursula, bring my picture there. [Picture brought. Go, give your master this: tell him from me, One Julia, that his changing thoughts forget, Would better fit his chamber, than this shadow. Jul. Madam, please you peruse this letter. Pardon me, madam; I have unadvis'd Delivered you a paper that I should not: This is the letter to your ladyship. Sil. I pray thee, let me look on that again. I will not look upon your master's lines: Jul. Madam, he sends your ladyship this ring. Sil. What say'st thou ? Jul. I think she doth, and that's her cause of Sil. Is she not passing fair? [sorrow. Jul. She hath been fairer, madam, than she is: When she did think my master lov'd her well, She, in my judgment, was as fair as you; But since she did neglect her looking-glass, And threw her sun-expelling mask away, The air hath starv'd the roses in her cheeks,. And pinch'd the lily-tincture of her face, That now she is become as black as I. Sil. How tall was she? Jul. About my stature: for, at Pentecost, When all our pageants of delight were play'd, Our youth got me to play the woman's part, And I was trimm'd in madam Julia's gown; Which served me as fit, by all men's judgment, As if the garment had been made for me: Therefore, I know she is about my height. And, at that time, I made her weep a-good, For I did play a lamentable part; Madam, 'twas Ariadne, passioning For Theseus' perjury, and unjust flight ;- Sil. She is beholden to thee, gentle youth - I weep myself, to think upon thy words. Farewell. [Exit Silvia. Jul. And she shall thank you for't, if e'er you know her. A virtuous gentlewoman, mild, and beautiful. My substance should be statue in thy stead. I should have scratch'd out your unseeing eyes, [rounder, Enter Thurio, Proteus, and Julia. Thu. Sir Proteus, what says Silvia to my suit? Pro. O, sir, I find her milder than she was; And yet she takes exceptions at your person. Thu. What, that my leg is too long? Pro. No; that it is too little. Thu. I'll wear a boot, to make it somewhat Pro. But love will not be spurr'd to what it loaths. Thu. What says she to my face? Pro. She says, it is a fair one. Thu. Nay, then the wanton lies; my face is Pro. But pearls are fair; and the old saying is, Black men are pearls in beauteous ladies' eyes; [black. Jul. 'Tis true, such pearls as put out ladies' eyes; For I had rather wink than look on them. [Aside. Thu. How likes she my discourse? Pro. Ill, when you talk of war. |