Stanhope. Taftes are different, you know, and every man follows his own.

Englishman. That's true; but thine's a devilish odd one, Stanhope. All morning with thy dry-nurfe; all the evening in formal fine company; and all day long afraid of old daddy in England. Thou art a queer fellow, and I am afraid there's nothing to be made of thee.

Stanhope. I am afraid fo too.

Englishman. Well, then, good-night to you: you have no objection, I hope, to my being drunk to-night, which I certainly will be.

Stankope Not in the leaft; nor to your being fick to-morrow, which you as certainly will be-and fo good-night too.

You will obferve, that I have not put into your mouth thofe good arguments, which upon fuch an oc cafion would, I am fure, occur to you; as piety and affection towards me; regard and friendship for Mr. Harte; refpect for your own moral character, and for all the relative duties of man, fon, pupil, and citizen. Such folid arguments would be thrown away upon fuch fhallow puppies. Leave them to their ignorance, and to their dirty, difgraceful vices. They will feverely feel the effects of them, when it will be too late. With out the comfortable refuge of learning, and with all the ficknefs and pains of a ruined ftomach, and a rotten carcafe, if they happen to arrive at old age, it is an un eafy and ignominious one. The ridicule which fuch fellows endeavour to throw upon thofe who are not like them, is, in the opinion of all men of fenfe, the moft authentic panegyric. Go on, then, my dear child, in the way you are in, only for a year and a half more; that is all I afk of you. After that, I promi that you fhall be your own mafter, and that I will pre tend to no other title than that of your beft and true friend. You fhall receive advice, but no orders, from me; and in truth you will want no other advise bu fuch as youth and inexperience muft neceffarily require You fhall certainly want nothing, that is requifite, n only for your conveniency, but alfo for your pleafur

which I always defire fhould be gratified. You will fuppofe that I mean the pleasures of a rational being.

LETTER LXXVI.

Absence of Mind in Company...Carelessness in Manner and Drefs...Defcription of an awkward Perfon.

DEAR BOY,

London, September the 22ď

IF I had faith in philters and love potions, I should

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fufpect that you had given Sir Charles Williams fome, by the manner in which he speaks of you, not only to me, but to every body else. You will eafily imagine how many queftions I asked, and how narrowly I fifted him upon your fubject; he answered me, and I dare fay with truth, juft as I could have wifhed; till, fatisfied entirely with his accounts of your character and learning, I inquired into other matters, intrinsically indeed of lefs confequence but still of great confequence to every man, and of more to you than to almost any man; I mean, your addrefs, manners, and air. To thefe queftions, the fame truth which he had obferved before obliged him to give me much lefs fatisfactory answers. And, as he thought himself, in friendship both to you and me, obliged to tell me the difagreeable as well as the agreeable truths; upon the fame principle, I think myfelf obliged to repeat them

to you.

He told me then, that in company you were fre quently moft provokingly inattentive, abfent, and diftrait. That you came into a room, and prefented yourfelf very awkwardly; that at table you conftantly threw down knives, forks, napkins, bread, &c. and that you neglected your perfon and drefs, to a degree unpardonable at any age, and much more fo at yours, Thefe things, how immaterial foever they may feem to people who do not know the world, and the nature of mankind, give me, who know them to be exceedingly material, very great concern. I have long diftrusted you, and therefore frequently admonished you, B

upon thefe articles; and I tell you plainly, that I fhall! not be eafy, till I hear a very different account of them. I know no one thing more offenfive to a company, than that inattention and distraction. It is fhowing them the utmost contempt; and people never forgive contempt. No man is diftrait with the man he fears, or the woman he loves; which is a proof that every man can get the better of that diftraction, when he thinks it worth his while to do fo; and take my word for it, it is always worth his while. For my own part, I would rather be in company with a dead man, than with an absent one; for if the dead man gives me no pleasure, at least he fhows me no contempt; whereas the abfent man, filently indeed, but very plainly, tells me that he does not think me worth his attention. Befides, can an abfent man make any obfervations upon the characters, cuftoms, and manners of the company? No. He may be in the beft companies all his life-time (if they will admit him, which, if I were they, I would not) and never be one jot the wifer. I never will converfe with an abfent man; one may as well talk to a deaf one. It is, in truth, a practical blunder, to addrefs ourselves to a man, who, we fee plainly, neither hears, minds, nor underftands us. Moreover,

I aver that no man is, in any degree, fit for either buf nefs or converfation, who cannot, and does not, direct and command his attention to the prefent object, be that what it will. You know, by experience, that I grudge no expenfe in your education, but I will pofitively not keep you a flapper. You may read, in Dr. Swift, the defcription of thefe flappers, and the use they were of to your friends the Laputans; whofe minds (Gulliver fays) are fo taken up with intense fpeculations, that they neither can fpeak, nor attend to the difcourfes of others, without being roufed by fome external taction upon the organs of speech and hearing; for which reason, those people who are able to afford it, always keep a flapper in their families, as one of their domeftics; nor ever walk about, or make vifits, without him. This flapper is likewife employed diligently to attend his master in his walks; and, upon

occafion to give a soft flap upon his eyes; because he is always fo wrapped up in cogitation, that he is in manifelt danger of falling down every precipice, and bouncing his head against every poft, and, in the streets, of joftling others, or being joftled into the kennel himself. If Chriftian will undertake this province into the bargain, with all my heart; but I will not allow him any. increase of wages upon that fcore. In fhort, I give you fair warning, that, when we meet, if you are ab.. fent in mind, I will foon be absent in body; for it will be impoffible for me to ftay in the room: and if, at table, you throw down your knife, plate, bread, &c. and hack the wing of a chicken for half an hour, without being able to cut it off, and your fleeve all the time in another difh, I muft rise from table to efcape the fever you would certainly give me. How I fhould be fhocked, if you came into my room, for the first time, with two left legs, prefenting yourfelf with all the graces and dignity of a taylor, and your clothes hanging upon you, like thofe in Monmouth-ftreét upon tenterhooks; whereas I expect, nay require to fee you prefent yourfelf with the eafy and genteel air of a man of fashion, who has kept good company. I expect you not only well dreffed, but very well dreffed: I expect a gracefulness in all your motions, and fomething particularly engaging in your drefs. All this I expect, and all this it is in your power, by care and attention, to make me find; but, to tell you the plain truth, if I do not find it, we fhall not converfe very much together; for I cannot ftand inattention and awkwardnefs; it would endanger my health. You have often feen, and I have as often made you obferve L**'s diftinguished inattention and awkwardnefs. Wrapped up, like a Laputan, in intenfe thought, and poffibly, fometimes, in no thought at all (which, I believe, is very often the cafe of abfent people) he does not know his moft intimate acquaintance by fight, but anfwers them as if he was at crofs-purpofes. He leaves his hat in one room, his fword in another, and would leave his fhoes in a third, if his buckles, though awry, did not fave them: his legs and arms, by his awkward management of

them, feem to have undergone the question extraordinary and his head, always hanging upon one or other of his houlders, feems to have received the firft ftroke upon a block. I fincerely value and efteem him for his parts, learning, and virtue; but, for the foul of me, I cannot love him in company. A young fellow fhould be ambitious to fhine in every thing; and of the two always rather overdo than underdo. I fhould be forry you were an eggregious fop; but, I proteft, that, of the two, I would rather have you a fop than a floven. I think neg ligence in my own drefs, even at my age, when certainly I expect no advantages from my drefs, would be indecent with regard to others. I have done with fine clothes; but I will have my plain clothes fit me, and made like other people's. In the evenings, I recommend to you the company of women of fafhion, who have a right to attention. Their company will smooth your manners, and give you an habit of attention and refpect; of which you will find the advantage among men.

LETTER LXXVII.

Vulgarity how acquired...Defcription of a vulgar Perfo Vulgar Language...Trite and proverbial Expreffions...Trav elling in Italy.

DEAR BOY,

London, September the 27th

A VULGAR, ordinary way of thinking, acting, or

fpeaking, implies a low education, and an habit of low company. Young people contract it at fchool, or among fervants, with whom they are too often used to converfe; but, after they frequent good company, they must want attention and obfervation very much, if they do not lay it quite afide. And indeed, if they do not, good company will be very apt to lay them afide. The various kinds of vulgarifms are infinite; cannot pretend to point them out to you; but I will give fome famples, by which you may guefs at the reft.

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A vulgar man is captious and jealous; eager and im petuous about trifles. He fufpects himself to be flight

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