THE YARN OF THE "NANCY BELL" "T was on the shores that round our coast From Deal to Ramsgate span, That I found alone, on a piece of stone, His hair was weedy, his beard was long, And I heard this wight on the shore recite, "Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold, And he shook his fists and he tore his hair, Till I really felt afraid, For I couldn't help thinking the man had been drinking, And so I simply said: "Oh, elderly man, it's little I know Of the duties of men of the sea, "At once a cook, and a captain bold, Then he gave a hitch to his trousers, which And having got rid of a thumping quid, He "'T was in the good ship Nancy Bell "And pretty nigh all o' the crew was drowned (There was seventy-seven o' soul), And only ten of the Nancy's men Said 'Here!' to the muster-roll. "There was me, and the cook, and the captain bold, And the mate of the Nancy brig, And the bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite, And the crew of the captain's gig. "For a month we'd neither wittles nor drink, Till a-hungry we did feel, So we drawed a lot, and, accordin', shot The captain for our meal. "The next lot fell to the Nancy's mate, Then our appetite with the midshipmite "And then we murdered the bo'sun tight, Then we wittled free, did the cook and me, "Then only the cook and me was left, "For I loved that cook as a brother, I did, And the cook he worshipped me; But we'd both be blowed if we'd either be stowed In the other chap's hold, you see. "I'll be eat if you dines off me,' says Tom. 'Yes, that,' says I, 'you'll be, I'm boiled if I die, my friend,' quoth I; "Says he: 'Dear James, to murder me For don't you see that you can't cook me, "So he boils the water, and takes the salt And the pepper in portions true (Which he never forgot), and some chopped shalot, And some sage and parsley too. "Come here,' says he, with a proper pride, Which his smiling features tell, "T will soothing be if I let you see How extremely nice you'll smell.' "And he stirred it round and round and round, And he sniffed at the foaming froth; When I ups with his heels, and smothers his squeals In the scum of the boiling broth. "And I eat that cook in a week or less, And as I eating be The last of his chops, why, I almost drops- "And I never larf, and I never smile, And I never lark nor play; But sit and croak, and a single joke "Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold -William Schwenck Gilbert ROBINSON CRUSOE'S STORY The night was thick and hazy When the Piccadilly Daisy Carried down the crew and captain in the sea; For they never, never found 'em And I know they didn't come ashore with me. Oh! 't was very sad and lonely In a rocky little cavern, And I sit and watch for people at the door. I spent no time in looking For a girl to do my cooking, As I'm quite a clever hand at making stews; Just to keep the tavern tidy, And to put a Sunday polish on my shoes. I have a little garden That I'm cultivating lard in, As the things I eat are rather tough and dry; Prickly pears, and parrot gizzards, The clothes I had were furry, And it made me fret and worry When I found the moths were eating off the hair; And I had to scrape and sand 'em And I boiled 'em and I tanned 'em, Till I got the fine morocco suit I wear I sometimes seek diversion In a family excursion With the few domestic animals you see; As refreshment for the parrot Then we gather as we travel, And we chip off little specimens of stone; Just to give the day a scientific tone. If the roads are wet and muddy For the Goat is very clever at a sum, While the Cat is taking lessons on the drum. |