HOW TO MAKE LOVE FOR A FRIEND.

the affair over in my mind-innumerable difficulties presented themselves, and I was at last reduced to that stand-still point, in which, after continual vacillation, one only waits for the slightest impulse of persuasion from another, to adopt any, no matter what suggestion. In this enviable frame of mind I sat sipping wine, and watching the clock for that hour at which, with a safe conscience, I might retire to my bed, when the waiter roused me by demanding if my name was Mr. Lorrequer, for that a gentleman having seen my card in the bar, had been making inquiry for the owner of it all through the hotel.

"Yes," said I, "such is my name; but I am not acquainted with any one here, that I can re

"The gentleman has only arrived an hour since by the London mail, sir, and here he is."

At this moment, a tall, dashing-looking, half swaggering fellow, in a very sufficient envelope of box coats, entered the coffee-room, and unwinding a shawl from his throat, showed me the honest and manly countenance of my friend Jack Waller, of the th dragoons, with whom I had served in the

Peninsula.

66 FROM CONFESSIONS OF Harry LorreQUER." BY CHarles lever. Ir was a cold raw evening in February, as I sat in the coffee-room of the Old Plough in Cheltenham, Lucullus c. Lucullo-no companion save my half-finished decanter of port. I had drawn my chair to the corner of the ample fire-place, and in a half-dreamy state was reviewing the incidents of my early life, and like most men who, however young, have still to lament talents misapplied, opportunities neglected, profitless labor, and disastrous idleness. The dreary aspect of the large and ill-lighted room-the close-curtained boxes-the unsocial look of every thing and body about, suited the habit of my soul, and I was on the verge of becoming excessively sentimental. The unbroken silence, where several people were present, had also its effect upon me, and I felt oppressed and deject-member." ed. So sat I, for an hour; the clock over the mantel ticked sharply on-the old man in the brown surtout had turned in his chair, and now snored louder the gentleman who read the Times had got the Chronicle, and I thought I saw him nodding over the advertisements. The father, who with a raw son of about nineteen, had dined at six, sat still and motionless opposite his offspring, and only breaking the silence around by the grating of the decanter as he posted it across the table. The only thing denoting active existence was a little shrivelled man, who with spectacles on his forehead, and hotel slippers on his feet, rapidly walked up and down, occasionally stopping at his table to sip a little weak-looking negus, which was his moderate potation for two hours. I have been particular in chronicling these few and apparently trivial circumstances, for by such mere trifles are our greatest and most important movements induced. Had the near wheeler of the Umpire been only safe on his fore legs, and while I write this I might-but let me continue. The gloom and melancholy which beset me, momentarily increased. But three months before, and my prospects presented every thing that was fairest and brightest-now all the future was dark and dismal. Then my best friends could scarcely avoid envy at my fortune-now my reverses might almost excite compassion even in an enemy. It was singular enough, and I should not like to acknowledge it, were not these Confessions in their very nature intended to disclose the very penetralia of my heart; but singular it certainly was-and so I have always felt it since, when reflecting on it-that although much and warmly attached to Lady Jane Callonby, and feeling most acutely what I must call her abandonment of me, yet, the most constantly recurring idea of my mind on the subject was, what will the mess say-what will they think at head-quarters?—the raillery, the jesting, the half-concealed allusion, the tone of assumed compassion, which all awaited me, as each of my comrades took up his line of behaving towards me, was, after all, the most difficult thing to be borne, and I absolutely dreaded to join my regiment, more thoroughly than did ever schoolboy to return to his labor on the expiration of his holidays. I had framed to myself all manner of ways of avoiding this dread event; sometimes I meditated an exchange into an African corps-sometimes to leave the army altogether. However, I turned

Five minutes sufficed for Jack to tell me that he was come down on a bold speculation, at this unseasonable time for Cheltenham; that he was quite sure his fortune was about to be made in a few weeks at farthest, and what seemed nearly as engrossing a topic-that he was perfectly famished, and desired a hot supper, "de suite."

Jack having despatched this agreeable meal with a traveller's appetite, proceeded to unfold his plans to me as follows:

There resided somewhere near Cheltenham, in what direction he did not absolutely know, an old East India colonel, who had returned from a long career of successful staff-duties and government contracts, with the moderate fortune of two hundred thousand. He possessed, in addition, a son and a daughter; the former being a rake and a gambler, he had long since consigned to his own devices, and to the latter he had avowed his intention of leaving all his wealth. That she was beautiful as an angel-highly accomplished-giftedagreeable-and all that, Jack, who had never seen her, was firmly convinced; that she was also bent resolutely on marrying him, or any other gentleman whose claims were principally the want of money, he was quite ready to swear to; and, in fact, so assured did he feel that "the whole affair was feasible," (I use his own expression,) that he had managed a two months' leave, and was come down express to see, make love to, and carry her off at once.

"But," said I, with difficulty interrupting him, "how long have you known her father?" "Know him? I never saw him."

"Well, that certainly is cool; and how do you propose making his acquaintance? Do you intend to make him a particeps criminis in the elopement of his own daughter, for a consideration to be hereafter paid out of his own money?"

"Now, Harry, you've touched upon the point in which, you must confess, my genius always stood

594

unrivalled-acknowledge, if you are not dead to gratitude-acknowledge how often should you have gone supperless to bed in our bivouacs in the Peninsula, had it not been for the ingenuity of your humble servant-avow, that if mutton was to be had, and beef to be purloined, within a circuit of twenty miles round, our mess certainly kept no fast days. I need not remind you of the cold morning on the retreat from Burgos, when the inexorable Lake brought five men to the halberds for stealing

to her; and now, the only point to be decided is
whether, having partaken of the colonel's hospi-
You see there is much to
tality so freely, I ought to carry her off, or marry
her with papa's consent.

be said for either line of proceeding."
"I certainly agree with you there; but since you
seem to see your way so clearly up to that point,
why, I should advise you leaving that an open
question,' as the ministers say, when they are hard
pressed for an opinion."

turkeys, that at the same moment I was engaged in devising an ox-tail soup, from a heifer brought to our tent in jack boots the evening before, to escape detection by her foot tracks."

66

True, Jack, I never questioned your Spartan talent; but this affair, time considered, does rather appear difficult."

And if it were not, should I have ever engaged in it? No, no, Harry. I put all proper value upon the pretty girl, with her two hundred thousand pounds pin money. But I honestly own to you, the intrigue, the scheme, has as great a charm for me as any part of the transaction."

"Well, Jack, now for the plan!"

"The plan! oh, the plan. Why, I have several; but since I have seen you, and talked the matter over with you, I have begun to think of a new mode of opening the trenches."

66

'Why, I don't see how I possibly can have admitted a single new ray of light upon the affair."

"Well, Harry, I consent; it shall remain so. Now for your part, for I have not come to that." Mine," said I in amazement; "why how can I possibly have any character assigned me in the drama?"

"I'll tell you, Harry; you shall come with me in the gig, in the capacity of my valet."

"Your what?" said I, horror-struck at his impudence.

"Come, no nonsense, Harry, you'll have a glorious time of it-shall choose as becoming a livery as you like-and you'll have the whole female world below stairs dying for you; and all I ask for such an opportunity vouchsafed to you is to puff me, your master, in every possible shape and form, and represent me as the finest and most liberal fellow in the world, rolling in wealth, and only striving to get rid of it."

The unparalleled effrontery of Master Jack, in assigning to me such an office, absolutely left me unable to reply to him; while he continued to expatiate upon the great field for exertion thus open to us both. At last, it occurred to me to benefit by an anecdote of a something similar arrangement, of capturing, not a young lady, but a fortified town, by retorting Jack's proposition.

"There are you quite wrong. Just hear me out without interruption, and I'll explain. I'll first discover the locale of this worthy colonel-Hydrabad Cottage' he calls it; good, eh?-then I shall proceed to make a tour of the immediate vicinity, and either be taken dangerously ill in his grounds, Come," said I, "I agree, with only one difference within ten yards of the hall-door, or be thrown from my gig at the gate of his avenue, and fracture my-I'll be the master, and you the man on this ocskull; I don't care much which. Well, then, as I learn that the old gentleman is the most kind, hospitable fellow in the world, he'll admit me at once; his daughter will tend my sick couch-nurse-read to me; glorious fun, Harry. I'll make fierce love

casion."

To my utter confusion, and without a second's consideration, Waller grasped my hand, and cried, "done." Of course, I laughed heartily at the utter absurdity of the whole scheme, and rallied my