CHAPTER V.

I NOW thought it incumbent on me to inform my father, that the affair was at an end by mutual consent: but he was not the man to have let it pass off without-formal investigation, had not his pride been wounded. To have made any inquiries would not have accorded with that indifference to the connexion which he affected: he therefore permitted the affair to die away quietly, in opposition to his general maxim, of suffering none to escape with impunity who had treated him with slight or insult.

"You are now just where you were," said my father, whose hopes of getting rid of me had now vanished.

Far otherwise, thought I; for I found myself, by many degrees, more miserable than before I had quitted my home, and taken refuge at the farm. My mother

and Peter seemed again to have combined together to renew their respective persecutions. Nothing could exceed my habitual state of irritation from the torturing circumstances with which I was beset; and, as if these were not enough, 1 suffered my distempered imagination to inflict upon me unnecessary pain. I was simple enough to measure the interest people took in my affairs by my own irritated feelings-to suppose, that what was uppermost in my own thoughts, must of necessity be so in theirs; and thus I imagined that my recent disappointment would be the almost exclusive subject of conversation among all who knew me. That it furnished, just at the time, the topic of some gossip is very probable; but I had yet to learn that there are other concerns in the world quite as momentous as love affairs-that there are disappointments and losses quite as afflictive as the loss of a lover; and that many of those who I imagined were solely occupied in sport

ing with my misfortunes, might themselves be the prey of some wasting grief or habitual anxiety, of which their neighbours knew nothing; for "the heart knoweth its own bitterness, and a stranger meddleth not with it." It is the most absurd egotism to imagine that our joys, or our sorrows, excite any thing more than a transient interest among our common acquaintance; and that they will either laugh or cry at our expense, much beyond the present moment.

My friend, Miss Watson, had managed her own affairs so much better than she had done mine, as to be actually on the point of marriage; and so far was she from sympathising with my forlorn situation, or expressing the least contrition for the fatal error into which she had led me, that I was credibly informed, she expressed herself with the utmost indifference on the subject; at the same time evincing her selfishness, by requiring me

to forget my own wounded feelings, in the contemplation of her fair prospects.

One day, I accidentally met Mrs. Thoroughgood in the town-her countenance resumed its benign expression-no reserve was visible, and I almost persuaded myself, that she was aiming at a reconciliation between me and her son; but this was a short-lived delusion; the very next day, I heard, that he was addressing an amiable young woman of respectable connexions, and some property.

And now, no longer able to endure the studied insults of my mother; which, while ingeniously calculated to harass my feelings, were as dexterously concealed from all others; I suffered her to accomplish her purpose, and, regardless of the consequences, broke forth into open hostility. But this was of short duration; for my father, misled by appearances, believing the provocation to be all on one side, reverted to his original plan, and

proceeded to put it in execution with such energy and zeal, that a situation was procured for me, before I had time to decide which of the two evils was the least:-going out, or staying at home.

The seat of a gentleman, a few miles distant, was to be my first retreat from domestic persecutions; and a little girl of four years old my sole charge.

As I supposed it would be understood, that family reasons, and not necessitous circumstances, occasioned my leaving home, I anticipated a reception correspondent to the idea I entertained of my own situation; and pleased myself with the interest I expected to excite in the lady, by the recital of my misfortunes and adventures; but I was presently convinced of my mistake. She wanted a governess for her little girl; she treated me with the respect due to my character as such, but was otherwise unapproachable. I shall ever remember how little and insignificant I invariably felt in her presence. I, who