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THE NEW INN; OR, Tue LIGHT HEART.
THE Lord FrAMPUL, a noble gentleman, well educated, and bred a scholar in Oxford, worth (tho' he truly enjoyed) he never could rightly value; but, as many green husbands (given over to their extravagant delights, and some peccant humours of their own), occasioned in his over-loving wite so deep a melancholy, by his leaving her in the time of her lying-in of her second daughter, she having brought him only two daughters, Frances and Lætitia : and (out of her hurt fancy) interpreting that to be a cause of her husband's coldness in affection, her not being blest with a son, took a resolution with herself, after her month's time, and thanksgiving rightly in the church, to quit her home, with a vow never to return, till by reducing her lord, she could bring a wished happiness to the family.
He in the mean time returning, and hearing of this departure of his lady, began, tho over-late, to resent the injury he had done her; and out of his cock-brain'd resolution, entered into as solemn a quest of her. Since when, neither of them had been heard of. But the eldest daughter Frances, by the title of Lady Frampul, enjoyed the estate, her sister being lost young, and is the sole relict of the family.
A C Τ Ι. Here begins our Comedy. This lady, being a brave, bountiful lady, and enjoying this free and plentiful estate, hath an ambitious disposition to be esteemed the mistress of many servants, but loves none. And hearing of a famous New-Inn, that is kept by a merry host, call's Good-stock, in Barnet, invites some lords and gentlemen to wait on her thither, as well to see the fashions of the place, as to make themselves merry, with the accidents on the by. It happens there is a melancholy gentleman, one master Lovel, hath been lodged there some days before in the Inn, who (unwilling to be seen) is surprized by the lady, and invited by Prudence, the lady's chambermaid, who is elected governess of the sports in the Inn for that day, and install'd their sovereign. Lovel is persuaded by the host, and yields to the lady's invitation ; which concludes the first act: having reveal'd his quality before to the host.
In the Second ACT, Prudence and her lady express their anger conceiv'd at the taylor, who had promised to make Prudence a new suit, and bring it home, as on the eve, against this day. But he failing of his word, the lady had commanded a standard of her own best apparel to be brought down; and Prudence is so fitted. The lady being put in mind, that she is there alone without other company of women, borrows (by the advice of Pru) the host's son of the house, whom they dress with the host's consent, like a lady, and send out the coachman with the empty coach, as for a kinswoman of her ladyship’s, mistress Lætitia Sylly, to bear her company: who attended with his nurse, an old chare-woman in the Ion, drest oddly by the host's couvsel, is believed to be a lady of quality, and so receiv’d, entertain’d, and love made to her by the young lord Beaufort, &c. In the mean time the Fly of the Inn is discover'd to colonel Glorious, with the militia of the house, below the stairs, in the drawer, tapster, chamberlain, and hostler, inferior officers; with the coachman Trundle, Ferret, &c. And the preparation is made to the lady's design upon Lovel, his upon her, and the sovereign's upon both.
Here begins, at the Third ACT, the Epitasis, or business of the Play. Lovel, by the dexterity and wit of the sovereign of the sports Prudence, having two hours assign’d him of free colloquy, and love-making to his mistress, one after dinner, the other after supper; the court being set, is demanded by the lady Frampul, what love is? as doubting if there were any such power, or no. To whom lie, first by definition, and after by argument, answers; proring and describing the effects of love, so vively, as she,
who had derided the name of love before, hearing his discourse, is now so taken both with the man and his matter, as she confesseth herself enamour'd of him, and, but for the ambition she hath to enjoy the other hour, had presently declared herself: which gives both him and the spectators occasion to think she yet dissembles, notwithstanding the payment of her kiss, which he celebrates. And the court dissolves, upon news brought, of a new lady, a newer coach, and a new coachman call’d Barnaby.
ACT IV. The house being put into a noise, with the rumour of this new lady, and there being drinking below in the court, the colonel sir Glorious, with Bat Burst a broken citizen, and Hodge Hustle his champion ; she falls into their hands, and being attended but with one footnian, is uncivilly intreated by them, and a quarrel commenc'd, but is rescued by the valour of Lovel; which beheld by the lady Frampul, from the window, she is invited up for safety, where coming, and conducted by the host, her gown is first discovered to be the same with the whole suit, which was bespoken for Pru, and she herself, upon examina. tion, found to be Pinnacia Stuff, the taylor's wife, who was wont to be pre-occupied in all his customers' best clothes, by the footman her husband. They are both condemned and censur'd, she stript like a doxey, and sent home a-foot. In the interim, the second hour goes on, and the question, at suit of the lady Frampul, is changed from love to valour; which ended, he receives his second kiss, and, by the rigour of ihe sovereign, falls into a fit of irelancholy, worse, or more desperate than the first.
The Fifth and last ACT Is the catastrophe, or knitting up of all, where Fly brings word to the host of the lord Bcaufort's being married privately in the New-stable, to the supposed lady, his sou ; which the host receives as an omen of 'mirth; but complains that Lovel is gone to bed melan. cholic, when Prudence appears drest in the new suit, applauded by her lady, and employed to retrieve Lovel. The host encounters them, with this relation of lord Beaufort's marriage, which is seconded by the lord Latimer, and all the servants of the house. In this while, lord Beaufort comes in, and professes it, calls for his bed and bride-bowl to be made ready; the host forbids both, shews whom he hath married, and discovers him to be his son, a boy. The lord bridegroom confounded, the nurse enters like a frantic bedlamite, cries out on Fly, says she is undone in her daughter, who is confessed to be the lord Frampul's child, sister to the other lady, the host to be their father, she his wife. He finding his children, bestows them one on Lovel, the other on the lord Beaufort, the Inn upon Fly, who had been å gypsy with him ; offers a portion with Prudence, for her wit, whieh is refused; and she taken by the lord Latimer to wife, for the crown of her virtue and goodness. And all are contented.
With some short Characterism of the chief Actors. G OOD-STOCK, the host (play'd well) aliàs the Lord FRAMPUL. He pretends to
be a gentleman and a scholar, neglected by the times, turns host, and keeps an inn, the sign of the Light-Heart in Barnet: is supposed to have one only son, but is found to have none, but two daughters, Frances, and Lætitia who was lost young, &c.
Lovel, a complete gentleman, a soldier and a scholar, is a melancholy guest in the Inn: first quarrel'd, after much honour'd and belov'd by the host. He is known to have been page to the old lord Beaufort, follow'd him in the French wars, after a companion of his studies, and left guardian to his son. He is assisted in bis love to the lady Frampul, by the host, and the chambermaid Prudence. He was one that acted well too.
Ferrer, who is called Stote and Vermin, is Lovel's servant, a fellow of a quick nimble wit, knows the manners and affections of people, and can make profitable and timely discoveries of them.
Frank, suppos'd a boy, and the host's son, borrowed to be drest for a lady, and set up as a stale by Prudence, to catch Beaufort or Latimer, proves to be Lætitia, sister to Frances, and lord Frampul's younger daughter, stolen by-a beggar-woman, shorn, put into boy's apparel, sold to the host, and brought up by him as his son.
Nurse, a poor chare-woman in the Inn, with one eye, that tends the boy, is thought the Irish beggar that sold him, but is truly the lady Frampul, who left her home melan,
skolic, and jealous that her lord lov'd her not, because she brought him none but daughters, and lives unknown to her husband, as he to her.
FRANCES, supposed the lady Frampul, being reputed his sole daughter and heir, the barony descending upon her, is a lady of great fortune, and beauty, but phantastical: thinks nothing a felicity, but to have a multitude of servants, and be cali’u mistress by them, comes to the Inn to be merry, with a chambermaid only, and her servants her guests, &c.
PRUDENCE, the chamber-inaid, is elected sovereign of the sports in the Inn, governs all, commands, and so orders, as the lord Latimer is exceedingly taken with her, and takes her to tris wife, in conclusion.
Lord LATIMER and lord BEAUFORT, are a pair of young lords, servants and guests to the lady Frampul; but as Latimer talls enamour'd of Prudence, so doth Beaufort on the boy, the host's son, set up for Lætitia, the younger sister, which she proves to be indeed.
Sir Glorious Tipto, a knight, and coronel, bath the luck to think well of himself, without a rival, talks gloriously of any thing, but very seldom is in the right. He is the lady's guest, and her servant too; but this day utterly neglects his service, or that him. For be is so enamour’d on the fly of the Inn, and the militia below stairs, with Hodge Hufile, and Bat Burst, guests that come in, and Trundle, Barnaby, &c. as no other society relisheth with him.
Fly, is the parasite of the Inn, visitor-general of the house, one that had been a strolling gipsy, but now is reclaim’d, to be intamer of the reckonings.
Pierce, the drawer, knighted by the colonel, stil'd Sir Pierce, and young Anon, one of the chief of the infantry.
JORDAN, the chamberlain, another of the inilitia, and an officer, commands the tertia of the beds.
Jug, the tapster, a thorough-fare of news.
Only talk'd on?
' AN IN-AND-IN inan.] In-and-in was a game then in use, and played with four dice in a box: it was the usual diversion at ordinaries, and places of the like resort.
THE PROLOG U E.
“ YOU are welcome, welcome all to the
New Inn: [cheer will win Though the old house, we hope our “ Your acceptation: we ha’ the same cook “ Still, and the fat, who says, you sha' not
look Long for your bill of fare, but every dish “ Be serv'd in i’ the time, and to your wish: “ If any thing be set to a wrong taste, “'Tis not the meat, there, but the mouth's
displac'd. " Remove but that sick palate, all is well. “ For this, the secure dresser bade me tell, Nothing more hurts just meetings, than a crowd ;
[loud: “ Or, when the expectation's grown too That the nice stoinach would ha' this or that,
[what: "And being ask'd, or urg'd, it knows not
“ When sharp or sweet, have been too much
a feast, “ And both out-liv'd the palate of the guest. “ Beware to bring such appetites to the stage, “ They do confess a weak, sick, queasie
age ; " And a shrewd grudging too of ignorance, " When clothes and faces 'bove the men
advance: “ Hear for your health, then, but at any
hand, “ Before you judge, vouchsafe to under
Ftost. I the most pleas’d, indeed, you are di
But never had the fate to see a fly
[Enter Lorel, Host, Ferret.
Alive i' your cups, or once heard, Drink, mine host,
speak, Or such a cheerful chirping charm come from Nor is my house pleas’d, if my sign could The sign o' the Light-Ileart. "There you
Lovel, Ferret, Host.
[on't! Fer. A buzzing of mine host A brain-child o'my own! and I am proud About a fly! a murmur that he has. And if his worship think, here, to be melan- Host. Sir, I am telling your Stote here, choly,
monsieur Ferret, [you, sir, In spite of me or my wit, he is deceiv'd; (For that I hear's his 'name) and dare tell I wili maintain the rebus 'gainst all humours, If you have a niind to be melancholy, and And all complexions i’ the body of man,
[Stocks, That's my word, or i’ the isle of Britain ! There's Footman inn, at the town's end, the
Fer. You have reason, good mine host. Or Carrier's place, at sign o' the Broken Host. Sir, I have rhyme too.
[there, Whether it be by chance or art,
Mansions of state! take up your harbour “ A heavy purse makes a light heart.” There are both flies and fieas, and all variety There'tis exprest! first, by a purse of gold, Of vermin, for inspection or dissection. A heavy purse, and then two turtles, makes, Lov. We ba' set our rest up here, sir, 1 A heart with a light stuck in't, a Light-Heart!
(not do it: Old Abbot Islip could not invent better, Host. Sir, set your heart at rest, you shall Or prior Bolton with his Bolt and Ton'. Unless you can be jovial. Brain o' man, I am an inn-keeper, and know my grounds, Be jovial first, and drink, and dance, and And study.'em; brain o' man, I study’em:
drink. I must ha' jovial guests to drive my ploughs,
Your lodging here, and wi'.your daily dumps, And whistling boys to bring my harvest Is a mere libel'gain my house and me; home,
[master And, then, your scandalous commons. Or I shall hear no flails thwack. Ilere, your Lov. How, mine host? [road, here. And you ha' been this fortnight, drawing Host. Sir, they do scandal me, upo' the fleas
A poor quotidian rack o' mutton, roasted Out of my mats, and pounding'em in cages Dry to be grated! and that driven down Cut out of cards, and those rop'd round with
With beer and butter-milk, mingled toge pack-thread,
ther, Drawn thorough birdlime! a fine subtilty! Or clarified whey instead of claret! Or poring through a multiplying-glass, It is against my free-hold, my inheritance, Upon a captiv'd crab-louse, or a cheese- My Magna Charta, cor lætificat, mite
To drink such balder-dash, or bonny-clabber' To be dissected, as the sports of nature, Gi' me good wine, or catholic, or christian, With a neat Spanish needle ! speculations Wine is the word that glads the heart of man; That do become the age, I do confess!
And mine's the house of wine, Sack, says my As measuring an ant's eggs with the silk
“Be merry, and drink sherry;" that's muy By a phantastic instrument of thread, For I shall never joy i' my Light-Heart, Shall give you their just difference to a hair ! So long as I conceive a sullen guest, Or else recovering o' dead flies with crums! Or any thing that's earthy! (Another quaint conclusion i' the physicks) Loo. Humorous host. Which I ha' seen you busy at, thro' the key- Host. I care not if I be. hole
Lov. But airy also, ? Old Abbot Islip could not invent better,
Or prior Bolton with his Bolt and ton.] The reader may find in Camden's Remains, the rebus made use of by thiese ecclesiasticks to express their names on the several buildings erected by them, or belonging to them. It may not perhaps be immaterial to mention, that the word bolt is the saine with arrow; which is the sense it bears in the proverbial expres. sion, and in all our oki writers. The bolt and tor, is a ton pierc'd through with an arrow,
Not to defraud you of your rights, or trench Lov. Bellè. A fine child !
Loo. I but ask you.
Host. I know no mischief yet the child
Host. Go down, boy,
And get your breakfast. Trust me, I had Ferret, Host, Lovel.
[him Fer. He'll make you a bird of night, sir. Take a fair halter, wash my hands, and hang Host. Bless you, child !
Myself, make a clean riddance of him, [En. Fra. Cihe Host speaks to his child o'
Loo. What? You'll make yourselves such.
Host. Than damn himn to that desperate Lov. That your son, mine Host?
course of life. Host. He's all the sons I have, sir.
Lor. Call you that desperate, which by a Lot. Pretty boy!
line Goes he to school?
Of institution, from our ancestors,
Hath been deriv'd down to us, and receiv'd An' 'twere a parrot, or a play-boy.
In a succession, for the noblest way
Of breeding up our youth, in letters, arıns, Commend'st him fitly.
Fair mein, discourses, civil exercise,
And all the blazon of a gentleman ? He'll tell you what is Latin for a looking- Where can he learn to vault, to ride, to glass,
fence, A beard-brush, rubber, or quick-warming To move his body gracefuller? to speak Lov, What's that?
His language purer? or to tune his mind, Fer. A wench, i' the inn-phrase, is all Or manners, more to the harmony of nature, these;
Than in these nurseries of nobility?
Host. I, that was, when the nursery's self
was noble, A rubber with her hand,
And only virtue made it, not the market, And a warning-pan with her hips. That titles were not vented at the druin, Ilost. This, in your scurril dialect. But Or common outcry; goodness gave the
greatness, Knows no such language.
And greatness worship: every house became Fer. That's because, mine host,
An academy of honour, and those parts--You do profess the teaching him yourself. We see departed, in the practice now, Host. Sir, I do teach him somewhat.
Quite froni the institution. degrees,
Lov. Why do you say so?
To ride? or Pollux'mystery, to fence ?
The Pyrrhick gestures, both to dance and Host. I provide for those :
spring Come hither, Frank, speak to the gentleman In armour, to be active for the wars? In Latin: be is melancholy; say,
To study figures, numbers, and proportions, I long to see him merry, and so would treat May yield em great in counsels, and the him.
[tisod: Fra. Subtristis visu es esse aliquantulùm Grave Nestor and the wise Ulysses pracpatri,
To make their English sweet upon their Qui te lautè excipere, etiam ac tractare gestit.
tongue! Lov. Pulchre.
As rev'rend Chaucer says? Host. Tell him, I fear it bodes us some Host. Sir, you mistake; ill luck,
To play sir Pandarus my copy hath it, His too reservedness.
And carry messages to inadain Cresside. Fra. Veretur pater,
Instead of backing the brave steed, o' mornNe quid nobis mali ominis apportet iste
ings, Nimis præclusus vultus.
To mount the chambermaid; and for a leap